I know that there are many out there that have questions or would like some feedback.  Maybe about your blog, being a firewife or girlfriend.  You can believe that if you have a question then others do as well.  I’d love to help you work through any questions, so please ask them.  I’ve put up a new contact form that you can ask questions.

You can ask anonymously or I’ll give you credit and link to your blog/site when I post the Q & A.  Just add that to the form .  I’m definitely not calling anyone out that doesn’t want to be out there.

Well time is up.  Now that he’s back to work, it’s time for vacation. lol

He has to take it or lose it.  He’s at the gym a lot now and this gives him a place to go in this time.  But we were supposed to be up skiing/boarding during this vacation time and that just sucks.  See unlike the rest of the country, our winter has SUCKED!  It was spring ski conditions up there weeks ago and I can’t imagine what it looks like now.  But we’ll be up there this weekend as Seth Wescott is going to be there and our youngest has decided he wants to get into snowboard cross.  SWEET!  It doesn’t get better than meeting a two time olympic gold medalist.  This is epic for his decision and I so hope and pray he can actually talk to Seth.  I’m going to have him work on questions to ask in the off chance we can get a few in.  YES, I will be a total stage Mom and push and shove to the front if I have to.  lmbo  TMI I’m sure

So this month is a bust with extra expenses already going out and it’s only the 9th.  I don’t think we can start very many of the remodel projects that are planned ahead.  Hopefully we can sit and plan out a couple of them.

Thankfully I have quite a handle on my work load right now.  So I can go off to visit his Mom and stepdad this week and other days.  He’s been awesome in planning things for 10am or later.  This gives me time to work on emails and projects in the morning and then go and play or visit if we’d like

Yes, life is going very, very well at this time.

I know, it’s been almost a month. But good grief, he hasn’t been working!  AHHHH

It was enough to get used to the schedule, but don’t expect me to go backwards and have him home.  He hurt his leg when we went skiing and was off work for 4.5 weeks.  I was actually hoping he could go on days, even leaning on friend that is HR to find him something.  lol

Thankfully, it healed up very well.  It’s always going to look weird, but it’s not causing him pain anymore and he’s back to work.  BUT ONLY 4 SHIFTS!!!

Seriously, that’s it.  Then he’ll be home for another 2 weeks.  He had vacation he had to take or lose it.  We’d figured we’d be in middle of ski season so it would work out.  Well ski season never happened up here as we have El Nino and it’s been freakin’ 60 more days than I can count already this year.  Not normal for Seattle.  So now he’s in spring cleaning and remodeling mode.  Very cool, go with that…hey, NOT ME!  DUDE, I STILL HAVE TO GET WORK DONE!

Sitting here on the computer working makes me feel guilty.  It’s my problem to deal with, but I keep getting up and cleaning something, then back to work.  Then off to train clients or teach class, home to clean or fix up something and back to work.  It’s definitely time for a girl weekend away or just a weekend by myself.  I’m leaning towards the time by myself.  I’m one of those people that really needs space.  Him home for 4.5 weeks and not able to drive or get off the couch much was a lot for me.

So that’s why it’s been quiet.  I’ve also been working hard on some new projects and merging some biz’s.  This has led to a lot of research in many areas and some of it will trickle to here.  You can look forward to some resources I found and definitely some shopping sites

It’s true.  Those with family in fire/ems never call 911, just like those that work in it won’t.   That’s for really sick or really hurt people.  lol

My Mom called me just a couple of hours ago, close to tears.  Phone connection was bad and honestly, I’m not sure what made me answer my phone anyway.  It’s Sunday and we are chilling out, I’d generally screen my calls.  But thankfully I answered.

She’d tripped over the dog and thought she broke her arm, can I take her to the ER.  Yup, on my way.  Hubby’s looking at me like I’m nuts, “why doesn’t she call 911?”  Because she won’t, so I’ll be back.  lol  I get a couple of blocks down the road and call her again.  I wanted to make sure she was ok to wait until I get there and didn’t need to call 911.  She said it was her wrist and she’d prefer a ride.

This after just 6 weeks ago my MIL fell and shattered here ankle.  Didn’t call 911, crawled to the car and my step-FIL drove her to the hospital.  THEY DIDN”T KNOW WHERE THE HOSPITAL WAS!!!  Thankfully their neighbor answered the phone and told them.  I mean, her ankle was a mess too, she really should have called.

However, I also have to remember that many won’t call because they don’t want the bill.  Especially those on a fixed income, like retirement.  Now my Mom doesn’t have that excuse, she lives in our district, so it’s a free ride.  But we have no idea about my MIL’s district.  So I try to remember that money is in people’s choices not to call.

But the biggest reason honestly is because it’s for those that really need it and they don’t want to be a bother.  I mean we all know the horrible calls that hubby goes on.  A sprained or broken wrist isn’t worth calling about right?  They have more important calls they need to be available for.  lol  OIY, I hope I call when if I ever need it and don’t make the same poor decision.  Better go grab my phone for Dad to call me and tell me how she is.

If you are a fire wife then you probably know how difficult it is to work with their schedule.  Especially if you have kids.  One thing that makes it even more difficult for me is vacations.

Before getting hired on full-time we didn’t go on vacations.  When you work construction if you don’t work, you don’t get paid.  There was no vacation pay or time.  So taking the loss of pay and also paying for vacation was out of the picture with little one’s to feed and clothe.

Now not only do we finally get the vacation time he so deserves and worked so hard for, but we have those 4 days off between sets to run off on little mini-vacations.  Needless to say there have been a lot of mini-vacations.  How’s a girl supposed to work around a chaotic schedule that we may run off at the drop of a hat?  I can’t! lol  Thankfully I work for myself so I’m able to rearrange things as needed.

For example, we are in McCall, Idaho right now and the plan was to leave early Sunday.  We’d be sure to miss the super-bowl because it’s at least an 8 hour drive back home.  I was bummed because I can’t ever remember missing a game, but it’s been a blast so I can suck it up.  Well over a few beers it was decided that the guys could all rearrange their schedules so we could stay another day.  lol  Gotta love the fact that there are always guys at the department that will do shift trades.

So that just leaves me and the millions of calls I’ll have to make tomorrow for canceling my seniors fitness class.  I feel like a little kid, I don’t wanna make the calls.  Quite a few of them will be really disappointed because I already canceled class on Friday.  But oh well, these are such great memories with the kids.  We went skiing at Brundage and it was AMAZING!  So much powder.

If I held a 9-5 I’d have been fired many times in the last 3 years.  So while hubby bitches about paying my bills, how can it be any other way and have me be ready to runaway on mini-vacations whenever we want?

I would never be complete without my firefamily.  When I answer women on other boards it’s truly hard to answer because I understand that I live in a tight-nit group.  Our class of guys graduated and went seperate ways, but then one of them came to our side the end of this year.  OMG, best thing EVER.  I love him, I love his wife, I LOVE HIS DAUGHTER. lol  His little (3) girl loves to wrestle and annoy our (11) boy. lol It’s awesome.

But most of all, I truly will never get over how much love I get.  They know me, they accept me for my faults that are many and they want to spend more time with me.  It’s not just because they love  my husband and they truly do, but the wives do come and hang with me as well.  That is a sign and unfortunately I’m a well read reader of signs.  But everyone we TRULY hang with is so awesome.

I wish a big, huge, merry Chrismas to those in my life. I wish extra strength to those with family staying with them. I also wish a huge amount of strength to those that have family that is so different than they are. My kids understand. I’m so different than grandma and grandpa. We love them, but I’m so different.  I am so much LIKE my aunt. lol  It’s how the apple falls and thankfully I am surrounded by many that love me for who I am, let alone what shift I am.

I’m ready to plan a shift wives vaca, cause we need to start small somewhere.

When you are having fun they just fly by don’t they?  The holiday season must be in full swing.  But this 4 day was so needed.  We spent a lot of time with friends and our family.  There was dinner at a friends house to watch football on Thursday night, then Friday night a friend had a party to thank those that helped with their remodeling.  We haven’t all gotten together like that in many months so it was just awesome.  Especially to add in a few of the new guys/wives that just got hired or just got off probation.  Then Friday night was a retirement party for one of my clients Dad’s actually.  lol  See it’s a damn small world   She and I didn’t know a thing about each other when she first hired me to train her.  Then our lives just showed a huge intersecting.

Anyway, the retirement party went really well.  He’s been in fire service since 1962 and it was very rural out here for many years.  They roasted the hell out of him.  lol  Good times!  Sunday we spent up on the slopes just the 4 of us.  It snowed like crazy half the day and it wasn’t supposed to.  So it was AWESOME!

Today hubby started his set and it’s trying to have record cold.  I’m hoping all their calls are inside if they get any at all.

I’m posting all of this happiness because I need to pull the happy moments of the last week to the front of my mind.  Tomorrow is the memorial for the murdered Lakewood Police Officers.  Unless hubby has something else planned, I won’t be able to not watch.  I’ve had a headache for the last few hours from watching them get ready for this huge event.  I just ache with the tears I already know will be spilled tomorrow.

Anyway, I will post again tomorrow I’m sure.  But I wanted to get this happy post of the last few days in here first.  I want to remember what I do live for before I’m reminded how dangerous all of their jobs are.

I’m sure by now most of the country has heard about the assassinations of 4 veteran police officers that happened yesterday morning. It was a horribly long day. Waiting and waiting to hear the names. Waiting as someone that I have known for over 20 years is married to a Lakewood cop. Breathing that guilty sigh of relief when the names are no one we know.

But my friend does know them. In fact she was at training with one of the officers just 2 weeks ago. She knew his wife from work. She called me last night which doesn’t usually happen, we text quite a bit and FB a ton. But she was just overloaded you could tell. So many cops in our area ran to the scene to volunteer their time and manpower. Then there were others that volunteered their time to the city of Lakewood to cover shifts so the other officers could take care of themselves and be with family. There were many wives begging their husbands not to go. One wife is even a fellow officer. So many wives were calling my friend to get some reassurance that their guys were going to make it home ok while this manhunt is still on for the killer.

This happening just 29 days after the last assassination of the officer in Seattle. But the story behind the suspect and how our justice system has failed is disgusting. I’m building a new site because of this. My cop friends are helping me. Education is the key to the site.

4 families lost a loved one yesterday. 9 young children lost a parent yesterday. 1 department lost 10% of their brothers/sisters yesterday. 1 county lost 4 very active officers that were on other teams yesterday. 1 state is in mourning for how this could possibly have happened yesterday.

I wish for peace of mind for everyone involved as they deal with their grief. I know I will be doing my part to help those in my life that are trying to deal with this grief. I know the anger flowing through some of them is so intense, I can feel the pain through the phone.

I felt compelled to find this poem today as there was a post recently on our firewives forum about an article in a paper talking about a couple of MVA’s in a row and then what some people were posting in the comments after the article. Now I know that people will post things online just to start trouble, but it just pushed me to find this poem.

I don’t deal with anyone saying how lazy FF’s are, atleast not them being serious. I know everyone loves to make fun of hubby for his time off. But it’s in jest. Anyway, I thought this was a good one going through so many things they sometimes hit in a single day!

<h2>I Wish You Could Know</h2>

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for
trapped children at 3AM, flames rolling above your head, your palms and
knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the
kitchen below you burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife’s horror at 6 in the morning as I check
her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway,
hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late. But wanting
his wife and family to know everything possible was done to try to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of
soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear,
the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely
nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I’ve become too familiar with.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire “Is this A
false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What hazards
await me? Is anyone trapped?” Or to call, “What is wrong with the patient?
Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2×4 or a gun?”

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead the
beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past
25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, “I love you Mommy” again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine, squad,
or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressing down hard on the
pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the air horn chain, as you fail to
yield the right-of-way at an intersection or in traffic. When you need us
however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, “It took you forever to get here!”

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years
from the remains of her automobile. “What if this was my daughter, sister, my
girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents reaction going to be when they
opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?”

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my
parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not
come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels dispatching officers, firefighters and
EMT’s out and when we call for them and our heart drops because no one answers
back or to here a bone chilling 911 call of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes physically,
abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their attitudes of, “It will never happen to me.

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed
meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the
tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping save
a life or preserving someone’s property, or being able to be there in time
of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging
at your arm and asking, “Is Mommy okay?” Not even being able to look in his
eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to say. Or to have to
hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having CPR done on him as
they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all along he did not have his
seat belt on. A sensation that I have become too familiar with.

Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly understand
or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us……

I wish you could though.

* author unknown *

As you probably saw in a previous post, our adjoining little fire department lost a firefighter. As I put in that post I said that I figured my hubby would know her and he did. She actually helped out with his EMT class ages ago when he first started as a volunteer. Our two little departments did a lot of work together back in those days.

Last night I was on my way home from the gym. I’d had a very rare late appointment that actually showed up. If I’d only left at 7 like normal I would have been ok. As I was coming to the edge of town I saw what looked like a car accident up ahead (it’s a major highway, so it’s normal) so started slowing down waiting for it. But then as I was getting closer I realized that there were cop cars well up ahead and no one was stopping by the first area of lights. Then as I got closer I saw it was one of our engines (were district over) and the guys were out of the rig and the towns cops were also out of their cars and standing in line by the road.

NO, NO, NO, NO!

How could I possibly have ended up going home as they were doing the procession to bring her body home. I had to pull to the side even though they weren’t to me yet. I was shaking and wanted to throw up. Actually, I still feel that way today.

I had really thought about going to the funeral out of appreciation and a show of support for my buddy. But I don’t think I can. I think I’d make it worse as he saw me completely break down. I just am not strong enough to do it. It brings back so many memories of the Chief’s funeral. It brings back the indescribable pain of riding in that procession through so many towns and sitting all alone with that pain and grief on the bus.

I’m hoping one day this will get easier. It’s been 15 months and it smacked me as hard as it did back then. It’s possible it won’t get better and I suppose that’s ok. Some of us just show our emotions more than others I guess and unfortunately this is one thing I can’t hold my emotions back about. I’m quit steady otherwise in hiding things and taking care of others. But not with this at all.

I even stopped at the little store and grabbed the 6 pack hubby had asked me to on the way home. Yep, with tears well up in my eyes, sniffling and shaking. I’m not ashamed. Of course, they wanted to know what the procession was about and that was hard to keep it together and explain. But you know what, it’s good that others see the pain losing one of our own causes. The fact that these are real people, living normal lives, that just happen to give everything they’ve got to help.

Tomorrow is the procession for the Seattle Officer that was gunned down last week. Maybe I can get hubby to take me out for lunch so I won’t be home to watch it on tv.