Well, I’m toasting a long week ahead with a bottle of wine now. Man it’s going to be rough. BUT, alas, I have also started coming up with some solutions and I’m looking forward to some time with hubby to talk things over.

I’m very tired of trying to juggle it all. I understand now why other firewives in our department don’t normally work. I just can’t work outside the home. Case in point: he works tonight and goes immediately into 5 days of classes. So I won’t see him until late Monday evening when I get home from my appointment. Yes, I know this is the norm in some families, but not ours. We have sacrificed a lot over the years so our kids would always have someone at home and I want to talk to him about the fact that it’s not the priority now like it used to be. The kids are 11 and 14, now it’s more important to be in their lives than ever. They need a safe zone from the uproar that is their teenage life.

Things are in a major change again. I’m running for office and that will change things in some way. I’m making just about enough money from my online biz’s to pay my bills and my offline biz has really died down because of this economy.

Call me a sap, but with him gone all next week until at least 6pm, I want to be here to kiss him hello and have dinner ready. I know, I’m old school, but I really do love that and miss it tremendously. I know by my working we are able to do a lot more, but I want my work to be on my terms and not so tied down.

UGH, where did this post ramble off to? lol Anyway, he has to go to training and it’s all week. This is something that happens a lot because he does and always wants to be the top in his profession. It won’t change and I don’t want it to, it makes him who he is. But I want someone here to take care of things as well. It’s almost like we are going backwards to when the kids were itty-bitty. Seriously, it’s like that. WEIRD!

What is a fireman?

He is the guy next door – a man’s man with the memory of a little boy. He has never gotten over the excitement of engines and sirens and danger.

He is a guy like you and me with wants and worries and unfulfilled dreams.

Yet he stands taller than most of us.

He is a fireman.

He puts it all on the line when the bell rings.

A fireman is at once the most fortunate and the least fortunate of men.

He is a man who saves lives because he has seen too much death.

He is a gentle man because he has seen the awesome power of violence out of control.

He is responsive to a child’s laughter because his arms have held too many small bodies that will never laugh again.

He is a man who appreciates the simple pleasures of life – hot coffee held in numb, unbending fingers – a warm bed for bone and muscle compelled beyond feeling – the camaraderie of brave men – the divine peace and selfless service of a job well done in the name of all men.

He doesn’t wear buttons or wave flags or shout obscenities.

When he marches, it is to honor a fallen comrade.

He doesn’t preach the brotherhood of man.

He lives it.

Author unknown

Yes, a slight complaint and vent, but also a yippee. For one thing, he’s home tonight and I’ve barely seen him in the last 4 days. He worked an extra shift so we could have vacation the weekend prior and then I had a bachlorette party to go to with some other fire wives and a soon to be wife. Super fun! Guess I can blog about that tomorrow.

But since he’s worked 3 days already, it seems like he should be done. We still have tomorrow dang it. I want him to stay home I miss him. OH well, this way I will actually get work done. lol Today I didn’t get a thing done. I went to work for a few hours to teach the seniors fitness class, made some calls, checked emails and then we ran off to go shopping for fishing stuff. The salmon are kickin’ right now and I needed waders. Oh boy, should I post a pic? Believe me, it’s HOT! UGH, puke, bleh. The gonna-be-wife fishes so she and I can hang out. I get bored fishing, so I’ll catch my limit quick and then be sitting on the river bank with some wine or beer. lol

Wow, this post went totally random.

My heart and my families condolences go out to the Buffalo Fire Department today.  You have suffered a tremendous and horrifying loss. Know that you are not alone in your grief of two good men.

CNN story

Firefighters love to eat, but away back then,
It was meat and potatoes and eggs from a hen,
And cheeses’ and sauces and tarts and pies,
And bacon and sausage and real French fries,
Or rare red meat, taken from a cow,
With two pork chops, cut from a sow,
Firefighters love to eat, but now they are more wise,
Gone ,the bacon and sausage and high calorie pies,
Now egg whites and yogurt or bran with some oats,
Salads and lean meat and milk from old goats,
Feta with less pasta, an apple with green tea,
Decaf, no cream, with honey from a bee.
All these new diets do make us cheer,
But firefighters all, still like their beer.

by D.M.Bowles February 17, 2009

Well this one I’d definitely love feedback on.  Um, our department still eats like the first part of the poem.  Hubby and I work a lot of the second part in, but it doesn’t last long.  lol  But beer, yes that is a staple.  I heard an oldtimer say it at our chief’s funeral.  They work hard and have to play harder.

It’s a late night again. Bad thing is I now expect them, so is that setting me up for no sleep as well? Please feel free to give me your opinion on that and how you have either managed the no-sleep or gotten used to it.

Last night both of us slept horribly. The weather is hot again, but we have air conditioning in our room so the heat isn’t an issue. For me the noise of it and all the fans IS an issue. I’m an oddball that loves it quiet. The quieter the better! I also love it as dark as possible. I don’t know, the way sleep is made to be. A complete oblivion. lol

But I’m a light sleeper so these things mess me up. But, I didn’t notice hubby wasn’t sleeping much. I almost got up at 3am because I couldn’t go back to sleep. I’m now wondering if my tossing and turning made him do the same.

He’s on a 48 right now and I didn’t hear back from him after dinner tonight. Today wasn’t all that busy and he’s at the main station, so I was expecting not to hear. Again, I am not conscientiously worried. I am a nightowl by nature. But I do need to go to work in the mornings at times. lol Yes, I am switching over to only working from home, but it’s not easy for me to give up the offline money I make as well.

Daughter and I made extra sushi rolls tonight and will take them over tomorrow for his lunch. He was excited about that. Of course I sent pics to make him drool first. tee-hee

OMG I just want to stay home for a bit. lol I never understood how people could say this statement before this summer happened.

Before he got hired on we never got vacation. He didn’t work, he didn’t get paid. But now we have issues trying to get the vacations scheduled. All our friends and family are not helping at all! This weekend I’d really just like to stay home, but friends have decided we should all go camping. To the point that they found a shift trade for hubby. lmao It’s going to be a ton of fun and thankfully the bed we sleep on is comfortable and we can bring all the dogs and the kids. But I’m getting tired of roadtrips and I never thought I’d say that.

I’m looking forward to next summer when we have our own trailer to travel with. Then it may be a little more like home for me?

My main problem is that the more vacations and fun we have, the harder it is for me when he goes to work. I guess that’s why I need to get to sleep early tonight with him. Cause tomorrow he’ll be at work and I won’t get any sleep again.

I have always been a night owl. Mornings suck and I’ve tried to become a morning person but I can only do it for a few weeks before I fall out of whack. lol It became even worse when I went to school.

I got up around 5:30 to pack hubby’s lunch so I could see him for at least a few minutes in the day. Back to bed for couple of hours if I was lucky and up with the kids. Then quickly to work. Lunch and crashing into a nap if I didn’t have to study for a test. Then off to school and home around 11:30pm. Of course at that time I am jacked up from class and my brain overloaded. I became one with watching movies, studying and writing papers after midnight.

I know I have this issue. But my body has been adapting to very little sleep. Unfortunately, I’m seeing a huge pattern on the nights that hubby is working. It’s 3am right now and I really wanted to be up around 6:30 to go jogging before we take off on a road trip. Plus I want to make breakfast and wash the dishes. UGH, I am not tired. I get to this point and I don’t know whether to go to bed or just hang in and stay up a few more hours.

My problem is, if I stay up then I know hubby will have gotten no sleep either and we’ll have the choice of two people on the roads who may be tired. Since hubby hasn’t texted me back after someone walked into the station I can bet that he has gotten his butt kicked like predicted. He was worried because they had 1 call all day. That usually means a horrid night.

Anyway, I’m up still and I shouldn’t be. My dog even just glared at me, huffed and went to our room to sleep. lol I’ll go follow her now. I know I’ll be getting lots of sleep this weekend at my FIL’s. It’s laid back there, so I’m sure I can even take naps and not get grief. OH WAIT! It’s my FIL’s, I’ll get grief no matter what. lol We have a pretend love/hate relationship. He calls me “what’s her name” after 19 years. If you have seen Gran Turino then you met my FIL. Thankfully his racial slurs are not that prominent, but yes, they are there.