I am not going to recap 9/11 with hubby. He was home and new stuff surfaced and it was good in my house, but it was eye opening.

Have you had a moment that you hit “wow, really, I need to explain this to how many?” I think I had that epiphany tonight.

See I know there are many like me that are here, supportive, partying with them and they really don’t know how their job effects us. Because damn it, we have to be tough as nails like they are in order to help them.

I’m not going to go into detail because unfortunately I’ve been online a good long while and understand how ideas on here work. But I think I have something here. I can’t figure out yet if it’s a book or a dvd. Hmm, maybe it’s both and that’s the difference. K, off to write part of the book and see what happens! OMG, wow, seriously minutes just happened and this hit of what I needed to do.

I’ve already started it, so let let me know your tips. I’ve already started two books because of it. lol

It’s 4am here on the west coast and just about the moment the US stood still. To be exact it was 5:36am here PST that the first hit happened. For some reason I stayed up and turned the news on after hubby went to work and I saw the second plane hit. I saw every single millisecond of it. I was in complete disbelief. Yes, total denial. That is how I deal with things. I work internally and then outward.

The odd thing is my kids were very young and I’m not a morning person. I always go back to bed, or if I stay up I read or get online. But on that day I turned on the morning news. WEIRD! Also, sad. Why did I have to turn it to the news that day and watch it happen? There are many days I wish I hadn’t, maybe I could disconnect more from it way over here on the west coast if I hadn’t watched it live.

Hubby was a volunteer at that time and working construction. He didn’t see it live and him being male I’m not sure it would hit him the same anyway. But him now being paid fire I feel today more than ever. If my husband was NYFD I would have lost him. There would have been nothing to keep him away from helping. That’s just how some of them role.

I know it’s been 8 years, but that has nothing to do with that chaplain rolling up to your door. 8 years is nothing compared to the lifetime you will have without them. I wish to commemorate my sisters today for what they gave up 8 years ago and for backing their men up prior to their passing. I sincerely hope that some peace has been found in the time that has passed.

I will always be thankful and think of those that gave their lives to get so many out of the towers and pentagon on this day.

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My father was a fireman.
He drove a big red truck
and when he’d go to work each day
he’d say “Mother wish me luck”.
Then Dad would not come home again
’til some time the next day.
But the thing that bothered me the most
was the thingÕs some folks would say,
“A fireman’s life is easy,
he eats and sleeps and plays,
and sometime’s he won’t fight a fire
for days and days and day’s”.
When I first heard these words
I was to young to understand
but I knew when people had trouble
Dad was there to lend a hand.
Then my father went to work one day
and he kissed us all goodbye
but little did we realize
that night we all would cry.
My father lost his life that night
when the floor gave way below
and I’d wondered why he’d risked his life
for someone he didn’t know.
But now I truly realize
the greatest gift a man can give
is to lay his life upon the line
so that someone else might live.
So as we go from day to day
and we pray to God above
say a prayer for your local Firemen.
He may save the one’s you love.

Carved in stone at the National Monument for
Fallen Firefighters Colorado Springs, Co.

This one hurts a lot as I vividly remember the bawling sobs of our Chief’s daughter from the front of the church at the end of the funeral service.  I also hope that my kids do not have to deal with too much of the usual ribbing about a fireman’s life.  Thankfully they understand and know what he does.  There are very few nights that hubby gets any sleep and they know it because he sleeps for hours on his day off.

Wow, I’ve almost made it through the week of hell. It started out really rough, but now it’s just long. Most things have straightened themselves out and I did get a few loose ends tied up that I’d been meaning to get to.

But mostly, it’s just long and long and long. He has one more day of class and thankfully he had a K day today so he comes home after class. I’m looking forward to him back on regular schedule next week. These week long classes on top of shifts is just too much. Of course, it wouldn’t have been quite as rough if there wasn’t so much going on this week.

Even though he was home last night I still slept like crap. I have gotten up at 6am for 3 days now and barely had any sleep. Last night we had a huge thunder and lightening storm come through at 2am. It was HUGE and right over the house. So you know that didn’t help my sleep. lol Oh well, it sounded cool and lit up the bedroom with the lightening.

I grabbed OTC sleep pills for tonight. Tomorrow I will call the docs and make an appointment. I need to get a prescription so I don’t have this problem any more and also just get it on my records how bad it’s gotten. I should be crashing at night and I could just stay up if I wanted to. Sleeping so bad last night while he’s home really capped it. Time to fix me.

This prayer is dedicated to all those who have gone before me and who will follow me in the line

When I am called to duty, God, wherever flames may rage,
Give me the strength to save some life whatever be its age.
Help me embrace a little child before it is too late, or save an
older person from the horror of that fate.
Enable me to be alert and hear the weakest shout, and quickly and efficiently
to put the fire out. I want to fill my calling and to give the best in me,
to guard my every neighbor and protect his property.
And if according to my fate I am to lose my life this day,
Please bless with your protecting hand my family this I pray.

The fires in LA are crazy right now and so close to town it’s amazing. Not in a good way of course, but it is just amazing how huge they are. The noon news up here in Seattle showed the satellite pics from space and it’s huge. Awe inspiring, huge. I honestly don’t think I can remember seeing them this bad and I know the fires have been bad before. It’s possible I’m just hyper-aware of the fires because of our Chief’s death last year.

But most disturbing was the quick blurb about two firefighters that have passed away in the fire recently in a crash trying to get out of danger. I have a hard time hearing of any death in the fire service of course, but my heart weeps greatly to hear that one of them was weeks from becoming a Daddy.

I am sending this poor woman all my strength as she fights hard to overcome the worst days she could ever experience and the happiest as well. I can’t imagine her grief and if possible I would gladly be down there to try and help her in any way. I hope that she is tight with some other wives and the department so they are surrounding her with love as our department would.

I’m so afraid to go on to my Fire Wives forum. This started out as almost all Cal Fire and then some of us started infiltrating. lol But I’m afraid to get on there and hear it may be someone’s loved one as I know there are preggers on there and many, many hubbies on the cal fires. UGH, I hate this part. I hate it bad. I’m glad I had hubby’s good experience to post about yesterday.

Rest in Peace my brothers.

For those of you readers that know, I’ve posted about a really bad recent Ped’s Call and then again how I was ready to kick some serious ass if people didn’t stop asking him about it. Sorry, I know I work hard at keeping my language down on here (which is work for me) so I can stay more family friendly. But this call has been horrid.

Last night while laying in bed, hubby blurts out “so that kid didn’t die afterall”. Unfortunately, this doesn’t let me know what he is talking about. Our district is busy and sadly we have a lot of kids calls because it is so busy. But I am a girl so I immediatetly assumed it was this call. I said, “Oh you mean the call that everyone seems to need to hear about over and over again?” See I haven’t talked to him about how pissed I got at everyone, but that let him know. lol 19 years of being together we can communicate sometimes like that.

Anyway, he had been told the baby had died after falling out of the window. It is sadly not the first time he’s held a kid he thought was gone and still worked hard at getting them to the hospital. But another shift went on a call to their house for the baby. Of course, with any brain injury there is the worry of seizure and that was why they were called out. I’m so thankful that they told hubby they went on the call. It means someone is looking out for him.

So long story shorter. I’m happy to report that the baby did not die and is doing awesome with no brain issues and very little delay. VERY little delay. Having our friends kid be handicapped I of course asked about that as well. lol I’m happy to report that my hubby and his partner saved a baby that day.