I’ve had a little email conversation with a firefighters girlfriend and she posed an interesting discussion. Since we run with mostly married folks or couples that have been together a while I didn’t even think of the guys worrying about how their SO (significant other) is able to handle the stress of their work. But it was brought to my attention that it could be a worry.
A little background, the two of them are in different states and I’m a geography idiot so I can’t tell you without running off to google how long that distance could be. I don’t know their towns anyway. lol
Question: I’ve been dating a firefighter captain and it’s a whole new world, things I need to get used to and understand. We want to make this permanent but he’s so afraid that I won’t be able to handle the stress. Talking with other girlfriends/wives is what I need to figure all this out. I hope you can help with this – thanks! T
Answer: Ok, so the above isn’t technically a question but it still is a call for asking advice. Since the beginning of the emails were about looking for support.
I’m wondering if he has grounds for thinking she can’t handle the stress. From a second email, I’m wondering if this question comes up because she does worry a lot. If things are bothering her a lot already and she hasn’t moved closer to his work yet I could see that his concern is it will get worse when she moves. Since there were quite a few unknowns and always will be, I’ll go with what I have.
I always suggest getting together with locals. We can chat all we want online but it’s never going to be the same as having a one-on-one girlfriend discussion and laughs. Getting together with some other couples will help with the mindset that you aren’t doing this all alone. It’s probably rough because if you don’t live close to each other then you want to spend time alone when a date night actually happens. But believe me, you’ll be happier after spending some time with others in the department that he wants to introduce you to. Even if it’s just a lunch get-together and then you can have the evening free for your own date.
Think of what is worrying you the most? If I was living a distance away I think my worry would end up being if something happens, would I be notified and how quickly can I get there. Look at your list of fears and it may help you have a better discussion with him about it.
If things are worrying you then it’s good to discuss it all, but also look at if this is the only topic of discussion when you are together. If that’s the case then you can imagine why he’s worried you can’t take the stress.
It can’t take over your every thought. They have enough horribleness to deal with every day. If they have to constantly ease your fears it just adds more work to that. I feel we are here to remind them that life is normal and bring that normal to fruition. Of course, everyone’s normal is different 
Was your guy worried about how you would handle the stress of being a firefighter wife?
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Christina
I love reading this blog even though I couldn’t be more removed from the subject matter. It’s so interesting to hear about the struggles and worries you face that are quite a bit different from those of us who are not in a public service profession. Glad you are so supportive of one another.
HotWife
Thanks Christina. It’s cool to know that those not in the services have found some use. I think it helps if the general public can see behind the scenes more.
Deirdre
if my husband was worried he’s never voiced it. i don’t think he ever was worried i could handle the stress. between the two of us, i’m the really laid back one. i take everything in stride. LOL!
HotWife
I’m the Irish hothead in our family. Hubby is the calm one. I rant, rave and then it’s over and gone. I don’t remember any worry ever coming up in conversation. However, we’d been together for 10 years and married for 6 already when he started. We honestly had no idea what we were in for when he started volunteering. I also had the fact that he’d nearly died in construction two different times…that I knew about. I told him not to tell me those stories anymore. At that point everything seemed safer than what he was already doing.
Melissa
I would like to think my DH would have worried about my stress about his job had I had any. He’s probably secretly ticked I never seemed like I worried enough, lol.
I have the short, vicious, red-headed temper and can explode into a rage at nothing sometimes…but in contrast, whenever something bad happens, I get very calm.
HotWife
See now we’ll all start an argument asking them if they are ticked that we weren’t worried! lol
Melissa is your hubby super mellow? Mine is and I know we balance each other out. He’s a slow burn so by the time it’s big enough to have bothered him, then I’ve worked through it.
Melissa
LOL, I don’t plan on asking mine.
J is mostly mellow. He can get wound up sometimes, depending on the subject, like politics at work, the state of America, religion, etc.
But if he ever gets really upset or mad about something, that would be one of those bad things I mentioned.
Deirdre
I asked my ff the other day if he worried about my stress about his job. He replys, “No. Why?”. So tell him about reading this discussion question. He says, “Oh. No, I never thought you couldn’t handle it. ” So I guess I know my ff pretty good. LOL!
HotWife
LOL Dierdre
Yena
Reading a lot is what I wanted to do whenever I feel out so much stress, I feel like I can find relief through reading, it makes my mind get refreshed and finally get myself ready again.
HotWife
That’s great Yena that you’ve found the outlet that works best for you.