I’ve had a little email conversation with a firefighters girlfriend and she posed an interesting discussion. Since we run with mostly married folks or couples that have been together a while I didn’t even think of the guys worrying about how their SO (significant other) is able to handle the stress of their work. But it was brought to my attention that it could be a worry.
A little background, the two of them are in different states and I’m a geography idiot so I can’t tell you without running off to google how long that distance could be. I don’t know their towns anyway. lol
Question: I’ve been dating a firefighter captain and it’s a whole new world, things I need to get used to and understand. We want to make this permanent but he’s so afraid that I won’t be able to handle the stress. Talking with other girlfriends/wives is what I need to figure all this out. I hope you can help with this – thanks! T
Answer: Ok, so the above isn’t technically a question but it still is a call for asking advice. Since the beginning of the emails were about looking for support.
I’m wondering if he has grounds for thinking she can’t handle the stress. From a second email, I’m wondering if this question comes up because she does worry a lot. If things are bothering her a lot already and she hasn’t moved closer to his work yet I could see that his concern is it will get worse when she moves. Since there were quite a few unknowns and always will be, I’ll go with what I have.
I always suggest getting together with locals. We can chat all we want online but it’s never going to be the same as having a one-on-one girlfriend discussion and laughs. Getting together with some other couples will help with the mindset that you aren’t doing this all alone. It’s probably rough because if you don’t live close to each other then you want to spend time alone when a date night actually happens. But believe me, you’ll be happier after spending some time with others in the department that he wants to introduce you to. Even if it’s just a lunch get-together and then you can have the evening free for your own date.
Think of what is worrying you the most? If I was living a distance away I think my worry would end up being if something happens, would I be notified and how quickly can I get there. Look at your list of fears and it may help you have a better discussion with him about it.
If things are worrying you then it’s good to discuss it all, but also look at if this is the only topic of discussion when you are together. If that’s the case then you can imagine why he’s worried you can’t take the stress.
It can’t take over your every thought. They have enough horribleness to deal with every day. If they have to constantly ease your fears it just adds more work to that. I feel we are here to remind them that life is normal and bring that normal to fruition. Of course, everyone’s normal is different
Was your guy worried about how you would handle the stress of being a firefighter wife?