As you may know I welcome questions about the firelife so all of us can help you work through things. You can submit questions 24/7 through my contact form. You can choose to be anonymous (which I generally tweak things to protect anyone sending in questions) or if you have a website/blog and want me to include it with your question I can do that as well.
I’ve been getting more and more questions and I love it. The only thing is, there is a definite theme to the majority of them. FEAR. Fear of them getting hurt, fear of staying home alone while their at work, worry about the unknown and the uncontrollable.
Fear can and will hold you back from enjoying life if you let it. I have many fears and I battle them. Thankfully fear of him being at work isn’t one of the big ones. I have a fear of drowning and a fear of heights. The drowning really bothers me the most on bridges so we can combine that with the heights issue.
How can this whole fear of heights hold me back? We love going skiing and boarding. The first run of the day I have to mentally fight myself to get on the lift. I have to fight with myself to actually tip my ski’s off the edge of the slope. I have to battle within my brain before I get to certain spots on the slopes that I know are going to be much more downhill. I have a panic attack if hubby wants to help push me and go on a different run that I don’t know. After a run last year, I’m not sure I’ll be able to battle that fear of the unknown up there again.
I know many of you are saying, “then why do it?” Because if I don’t, my fear will only get worse. Even though my family loves to laugh at me as I go so slow I’m about to fall down, I’ve learned to laugh at myself over my own stupid fear of heights. It’s not something I can change, it’s just something I have to work with and try not to let it take over.
Dealing with these fears may be what helps me through his work as well. Since I’m not a psychologist I can only use my best deduction and self-analyzation. Hmm, is that a word? lol I’ve learned over the years to battle back fears for things I can’t control. I don’t want to miss out on the fun. I could choose to waste time worrying about my husband while he’s at work but what would that accomplish? I can worry about my daughter while she goes on vacation with friends or family, but what does that accomplish? I can worry about my son going to the skatepark with friends, but what does that accomplish?
The only thing it would accomplish is me feeling sick and not getting things done around the house. It’s unproductive and I have too pay some bills as well. I could easily spend more time worrying about things that are not happening while missing out on life that IS HAPPENING all around me. It’s a conscience decision I have to make.
Now do I worry? OF COURSE I DO! I just don’t let it consume my every thought. When I started writing this post the pager went off. My heart skipped and I got up to go see what the page was. The worry started it’s way in imagining they were going on a big mva or fire and them setting a general alarm, and, and, and. Which was promptly squashed by laughing at myself that it was page to turn their time cards. Being able to laugh at myself helps a lot.
For those of you that are new to my blog, I can hear a few saying “it’s because she’s never been through a tragedy like we have in”. Please read around just a little bit. But a quick synopsis is three years ago we did go through a major tragedy here in our department. Our Chief died in LOD. I have every mental vision to pull from of how the weeks go down after a death. I could easily sit and do nothing but worry about having to go through it with my own husband. And there was a time I did. It was a horrible, dark time for me. I’m so thankful I pulled out of it and am on the other side with the motto of living with no regrets. If something happens I don’t want to be looking back wishing I’d spent more time enjoying anyone’s company.
I’ve written a few posts over the years with suggestions for getting over or working around fears. I hope they’ll help!