Some questions take me a little longer to answer than others. They get a little deeper and I just may not be in a position to hit them up. Please don’t get discouraged but I have to be in a decent mindset to answer things without giving a smartass response or sounding cranky in my reply. Plus as you’ll notice I don’t blog here every day so I like to get other posts set up between the questions.
But I’ve got another question to answer about our guys working with female co-workers. I’m sure many of us have co-ed departments and can relate to how we’ve dealt with different aspects in our own personal life.
Q: My boyfriend has been on the fd for about a year now. A woman just recently joined and they have become pretty close (texting, calling, etc.). He assures me he thinks of her as “one of the guys.” I know it’s silly, but do I have the right to be jealous? How do I overcome this? Has this ever happened to you? We’re thinking about getting married (we’ve been together 4 years), so I know deep down that I have nothing to worry about. I think I need some reassurance from a woman who has probably dealt with this before. My friends are immature and thinks that he’s going to cheat. I want advice on how to get over this darn jealousy! Thank you!
A: First if something bothers you then you need to feel comfortable enough in your relationship to be able to talk to your boyfriend about it. It doesn’t have to be rational thoughts you just need to be rational when you are bringing them to his attention.
It’s true he may think of her as one of the guys. I’m just one of the guys to many BUT that doesn’t mean I will put my husband in a position where he feels uncomfortable. I don’t have co-ed friendships that my spouse isn’t a part of and when I was training I was very aware of how much I talked about my male clients. It’s not easy but I tried to put myself in his shoes and how I might feel if I was constantly hearing about one of the women he works with. While I know nothing would be going on, it still sends irrational messages in my brain.
Hubby worked a lot with one of the women in our dept in his first couple of years. At first it was a little rough because of stupid thoughts going on in my head. He’d worked with other women in construction but of course this “living” in the same place was a different aspect to get used to. I’m sure I got over my ridiculousness quicker because I met her so many times and met her husband as well.
Then there are the friends you mentioned who I assume aren’t in the firelife. Why are they saying he’s going to cheat? Just because he works with a woman? It’s pretty safe to assume they work with a lot more men, so the odds are higher that they will cheat with their co-workers if that’s the correlation used. If they just think it’s funny then I’d probably have a chat with them and tell them it’s not cool and you don’t find it funny. Usually all it takes is telling your friends that something they do bothers you and they will stop. If not, well that’s a whole other issue to work with.
If he’s texting and phone calling more than you like then it would be a good idea to address it. I’d also suggest having a get together so you can get to know her. Whether it’s dinner at your house or going out somewhere for drinks it will help you a lot if you can at least chat with her for a few hours. Will make you more comfortable when you find out she has absolutely no thoughts of moving in to your relationship.
Any of you ladies had the jealousy issue pop up and can offer advice?