Introducing a “Wife on Fire”

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A big major thank you to Val and all the kudos you gave her yesterday!  Seriously some big shoes to fill.   Today I want to take a moment to let you run around inside my life a little bit.
First you must meet the handsome guy who qualifies me for this job…my firefighter hubby.  (You might hear a lot about him here so its best you see his face right away)

The handsome man who qualifies me for this job

I’m a creative IT geek.  Born and raised in Ohio and proud alumni of The Ohio State University (yes, I bleed scarlett and gray, please don’t hold it against me!) and now raising our family here. Currently I’m working full time in IT and on the side I do websites and blog*  (*very irregularly!) at  A URL I have proudly owned since 2002.  Just call me nerd-girl.   I’m also a runner, cross-fitter, hobby photographer and mother to 4 very busy children!!  In my spare time (LOL!) I do love

Me in full on nerd mode

reading and outdoorsy stuff.

Dan and I met 10 years ago when my oldest, Jackson, had just turned 2.  I was doing the rat race single working mom day care dash when a friend invited me and Jack to visit his firehouse and check out all the cool things 2 year old boys like – big trucks, noisy sirens and their heroes, the firefighters.  (Ok, that move was a bit naive.  Honest.  I now know why guys invite chicks to the firehouse!)
But lucky for me, Dan and I were briefly introduced, had an instant connection, I agreed to give him my phone number and the rest is history.  Before that moment, I seriously knew NOTHING about firefighters.  It was a completely magical mystery to me.  And especially heroic right on the heels of 9-11.
In the next 5 years, we married, had 3 more children, survived remodeling and flipping a fixer-upper and building a new house.  This year we celebrate 10 years of marriage and plan to start counting in decades from here.

Why take over

For one it’s God’s timing.  All the stars aligned.   I’ve been working on a few web development projects and I’ve been praying about the right niche for me to dive into as my own site.  On a notecard, I listed the possible areas and carried it around in my pocket looking for the right sign for where I should dive in.   In the midst of those prayerful weeks, I received an email from Val expressing her interest in selling this site.  Can you say answered prayer?
But there are truly important reasons why I want to support the community.
  • Because every morning he left for the firehouse in our first 2 years of marriage when I was pregnant / nursing / having multiple toddlers on my hips, I cried.  24 hours felt like an eternity.
  • Because I don’t cry anymore but every morning he leaves for the station and kisses me good bye, I always say a prayer that he comes home safe.  Every morning.  It might be the last time we kiss.
  • Because when he does come home physically safe, sometimes his heart is crushed by the sadness he experienced that day.  Death.  Drugs.  Domestic violence. Debilitating disease. Children living in filth and poverty.   I know you all listen to the details, hug your family tighter, pray a little longer and move on into your safe world each day wondering what can be done.
  • Because you have come to love having the TV remote and quiet time to yourself every duty night.  (But we’ll keep that secret safe here!)
  • Because managing family schedules with shift work is completely insane.  People wonder why I hesitate to agree to a carpool schedule that requires me to drive every Tuesday, while I try to do the unit day math in my head.  You firefighter wives get this.
  • Because the stinky bag of clothes that hangs out in your bedroom can be really annoying.
  • Because I haven’t met a firefighter’s wife who isn’t strong, capable, able to do amazing things.  Because for 24 hours (or more) at a time, you run the household.  Seriously, I’ve not met a fire wife who isn’t capable of finding solutions for plumbing disasters, wild animal encounters or tearful boys who really want their Dad’s advice right at this moment.  A wife with courage and opinions and the willpower to get it done.

You are the kind of gals I like to hang out with.

I can’t wait to get to know all of you and to build this community as a resource for all the Firefighter Wives.

So, What’s next?

Well, I have some new ideas, but I don’t want to rock the boat in a major way. You gals have some great stuff going here and I want to keep that up!
So first of all, I’m going to doing some surveying and getting to know you kinds of things to make sure all you readers continue to get what you like out of this community.

Giving Back

One thing big on my heart is helping others.   In the firefighting community, there is a lot of support for those in need, especially fellow firefighters. So I really want to be able to rally around those causes on this site.  For example, coming up locally in Ohio is this great benefit for a local firefighter who lost his leg in a motorcycle accident (and then married his fiance while still in the hospital – SO SWEET!) .
Because all of you not in Ohio don’t want to be inundated with our local stuff, and vice versa, I am planning on making some local community sections where you can promote your local events as well.

Local (or distant?) Meet Ups

I would love to see some “irl” meet ups.  (For those not into the teen texting speak, that means “in real life”.)   These charity events are the perfect opportunity.  We all show up in adorable blinged out t-shirts and the friendships grow stronger.  (or something equally exciting!)  And who knows….maybe in the future we could manage a firefighter wives or couples cruise?

Do you write?

I want guest bloggers!  You would seriously get sick of hearing from me all the time so we will definitely have a community of people blogging here, including the faithful founder of this site, Val Selby, AKA “Hot Wife”.

Hot Firefighter Wives

One last note…. sorry if you’re disappointed to lose the smoking hot firefighter wife on the header.    But I’m midwestern chicka with slightly more conservative friends so I chose to tone it down a couple notches.    Besides, I’m certain you’re all smokin’ hot for your hubbies :)   However…..stay tuned because we may have some image right issues going on there and we may be looking for our new cover model for   Could it be YOU????
WOW!  Way too long for an inaugural blog post.  My promise to keep them shorter in the future.
But please share in the comments below…..

What did you LOVE about and don’t want to see change?

What do you want to see more of?

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The Fire Wife Sisterhood understands your challenges....schedules, missed holidays, scary calls, single parenting, sleep deprived husbands and more. This is your online firehouse family. (Fiancees and girlfriends too :)

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Firefighter Wife on a mission to save fire marriages, nurture and encourage other fire wives and love on Jesus, my firefighter and our 4 kids. Blessed to be leading this amazing community of Fire Wives.
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28 thoughts on “Introducing a “Wife on Fire”

  1. Kim

    I was just told by a coworker that my husbands schedule was nice (24 on 48 off) because he was able to pick the kids up on his off days (sometimes) and she had to do everything because her husband works bankers hours. HA! I googled Firefighters Wife and there you were. So glad to see someone that understands my crazy schedule!

    1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

      Sweet! I love meeting people who get it :) Did you try to explain how 2 out 3 mornings you got wake up / breakfast / bus duty all to yourself? (my husband’s shift change is at 7 so he’s home around 8ish).
      My kids so love having daddy in their school so often though. Very sad how many “banking hour” dad’s get so disconnected from their kids.
      We’re aiming for the best of both worlds here. Thanks for stopping by! I literally just took over the site this week so I’m just giddy to have a new visitor.

  2. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

    This evening, shortly after I added this post, the webhost decided that was the best time to do a server migration I had requested. Classic timing! I think this comment was lost – Sorry Deidre!!!

    “So nice to meet you! I’ve been following this site for a while. I’m Deirdre and a fire wife from TN. I am also an Army wife too. I can’t wait to see your ideas and share any information you have. I’ll be reading! lol!”

  3. Trina

    Welcome!! Val was one of the first firewives to reach out to me when I was trying to understand this insane life I was thrust into. I went from being married to a elementary school teacher for 13 years to a firefighter – all with 4 kids 10-2 at home. I switched schools and we moved – all in his first year. Can you say INSANITY!

    I look forward to getting to know you. I hope you enjoy it!

    1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

      Trina! We are long lost soul sisters. I totally get it. Plus theology, technology, preemies. Been there and doing that. Praise God we are out of the preemie stage.
      My husband was totally made to be a firefighter / paramedic as well. God’s calling but it is not easy. Can’t wait to learn more.

      1. Trina

        It is SO nice to find other people who get it. Too many people don’t and it feels so lonely.

        How early were you? My 3 oldest were 35 weeks – each adding an additional day. So when I was pg with our 3, I thought FOR SURE I would hit 36 weeks. But, she came at 29 weeks 1 day. She is a my miracle baby, now 4 1/2. This is the longest I have gone w/o being pregnant since 1998. I am starting to itch for another. But it is nice to be away from a diaper bag and not trying to get everything done before going on bedrest, so…I will enjoy the four I have. W

        Again, welcome and I look forward to getting to know you!

        1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

          First at 30 weeks. Second at 33. Third at 38 and fourth at 35. We have been so lucky they are all perfect with only minor developmental delays. Yes, miracles! We still talk about adopting more but only after the bottle stage :) our youngest was not potty trained until 4 1/2!!!! 11 years of changing diapers is enough. I will be sure to follow your blog too. Take care.

          1. Avatar of Trina Halsey - mfd_wifeTrina Halsey - mfd_wife

            We lost the diaper bag last January – it was the first time we were out of diapers since Y2K. I am also having withdrawl symptoms, this is longest I have gone without being pregnant. We would have to adopt, but are thinking of becoming foster parents. I just have to decide if I am strong enough to say goodbye to kids I fall in love with. Not so sure.

            Enjoy your week.

  4. Kelly

    Just found your site. Needed to read and feel the support of other wife’s who get it. Perhaps I just need a place to journal? I have been living this life style for 17 years and often feel the like no one around me understands this life style and how our family operates. I am generally the leader in sharing and educating other wifes on how to make dinner while balancing the checkbook and helping with homework while mowing the lawn. Our fire house life has been exciting, flexible, and allowed many privileges. We feel blessed to have stable income and retirement….but it is not without major costs.

    After a co-worker death and a recent bad call we are dealing with the effects of PTSD now and it’s a whole new ball game. No amount of money or fame can soften the pain of seeing the person you are closest to distant and hurting. The helplessness is draining and more painful than I can find words to express. I am now on a mission to learn new coping techniques to care for myself and family while supporting my husband through this silent pain.

    If I could offer a suggestion for your site and direction: I would love to be educated on how to best cope with living with a spouse who often comes home ‘empty’ and how I am going to continue to stand strong and drive carpool and say good bye to passing grandparents while expecting little or no compassion from an my amazing, loving and completely drained spouse.

    A friend who has worked in the industry explained recently that when she has dealt with her own PTSD she felt like a dripping wet sponge. There was no room left to absorb anything. There was no compassion left to kiss a skinned knee or offer advice on what to make for dinner or help write a report for school. This topic is not something any of us want to experience, but I believe it is often the misunderstood issue that tears so many families and marriages apart. They don’t understand while they are going through it what it is and why and how to deal with it.

    Please help us to understand how to understand this REAL and challenging part of this life style. I am on a mission now and will hope I can reach out with resources as I discover them.

    Good luck with your new site. Sorry there wasn’t more cheer and enthusiasm in this posting, but this morning you were the answer to my prayers.

    1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

      Dear Kelly, I get it and I imagine so do many others here. I have personally experienced this myself and it is exhausting. Be sure you are finding some moments to strengthen and energize yourself in these times. I know that sounds trite. Sounds like you are remaining positive and realizing it is the Ptsd talking and not him. Huge recognition! My promise that I will find some good resources here. I have a couple connections in the military space for this. Maybe we could meet as a group online? Thank you for sharing and visiting. Lori

      1. Avatar of Trina Halsey - mfd_wifeTrina Halsey - mfd_wife

        There is always strength in numbers and it is a world that most people can’t understand. I know I didn’t when we jumped into it. Trying to balance our families, the role of PT single parent, the needs of our spouses when they come home after a child PNB that they could not bring back, the fears that come when they say good bye for their shift. Welcome. We all understand it. Join our forum and let us know what we can do to help – even if you just need someone to talk to who “gets” it.

  5. Brandi

    Hello!! I am also a fire wife from Ohio! Interested to see how close you are to me! I just recently started a fire wife blog, and I’m so excited that I just got my first donated item to review on my blog! I’m hoping to take it many places!

    So excited to continue reading …. I’ve been poking around the internet lately digging up firefighter info/quotes/etc … and came back across this site last week!

    Good luck Lori! Please stop by and say hi!

  6. christine

    So this web sight is great!! I’ve been reading posts and comments, and it is so nice to have ladies out there that can relate with the AWSOME yet hectic schedule of their heroic/firefighter husbands. I am also from Columbus (Go Bucks). I look forward to blogging and cyber interacting and who knows maybe even getting together with you ladies!! I am a stay at home mom. I have an 11 year old step-daughter, an 11 month old baby girl and I’m 7 months pregnant (and counting lol )with our son!! Life is crazy and about to get even more insane. That 24 hours that my husband is gone can tend to be difficult, I know you ladies understand that!! We are strong though!! So glad this sight was brought to my attention :)

    1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

      Hi Christine! Welcome! Sounds like you’ve got some exciting times coming up with an 11 month old and soon a newborn. Glad to have some more Buckeyes on here too :) Keep checking in for updates and also like the facebook page. thanks! Lori

  7. FireWifeKatie

    It’s nice to “meet” you and find a fellow ff wife! You have a cute family! Many people underestimate how much this job impacts our lives, not just the lives of our husbands. There’s a reason we feel a need to rally around each other!

  8. Heather

    This new website is so exciting! I\\\’m about to become a fire wife in 8 days. My husband graduates the Atlanta Fire Academy. We have 3 kids (3, 8, 14). I\\\’ve been blogging about our journey and I love reading about what other fire wives go through and knowing there is support out there when I need it. I can\\\’t wait to see all the new exciting things on this website!

  9. volunteeringtami

    I am really looking forward to reading this blog! I am a volunteer fire wife from Manitoba, Canada. My husband is in the process of taking course (after course after course after course) to become a paid fire fighter. We have a 13 mo old daughter and have been married for just over 3 years. I also work full time in the financial industry – needless to say life is a little crazy right now and I’m really hoping that this blog might help me cope on the bad days. The days where you feel alone and neglected to know that you are NOT alone!! So glad there is a site like this!


    1. Avatar of Lori Mercer - WifeOnFireLori Mercer - WifeOnFire Post author

      You are definitely not alone Tami! Please subscribe so you can receive the updates, like us on Facebook where we hang out and get chatty, and let me know if there are any special topics heavy on your heart. Happy to be a supportive community for women like you :)

  10. Kim

    When the scanner woke me up at midnight and I got out of bed to turn it down I wondered how many of you have scanners throughout your house? Most of the time I don’t even hear them anymore unless there is more than one tone! We have one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.

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