I hate this question. It’s taboo. I don’t even want to have to think about it. But it comes to me at least monthly in a private message that someone wants me to anonymously ask. The fire service is a DISASTER when it comes to marriage. An absolute freaking disaster. Divorce rate is off the charts. Second and third marriages are common (and actually, my non-expert opinion and unofficial poll seems to find that they thrive way better than the first.) 24 – 48 hours away from a spouse can be difficult. Text messages and facebook make it easier to communicate outside your marriage. Cheating is too common.
There are people whom I hate for my husband to have to partner with because their values for marriage are so low. Conversation turns to filth. Eyes turn to unmentionables. Not to mention the women who are firefighter groupies and will throw themselves at anything in a uniform. You are who you hang around. It’s a constant wheel of temptation torture for a firefighter who’s trying to honor and respect his wife and marriage.
And we all know that men who are eager to run into a burning building are very easy to fall for. They are braver and stronger than the average Joe. But along with that personality comes a sort of gruffness that isn’t so gentle on a woman’s soft, feminine, emotional, I-need-to-talk-this-out-with-you side. A communication nightmare!
I’ll get off my soapbox now but you can see how passionate I am about this topic having fought through 10 years of marriage to my firefighter to get to the sweet spot of faithful love where we are today.
So here’s the latest anonymous question.
I want to get the opinions of some people who are unbiased of my situation. I’d like to remain unnamed. My husband of a little over a year who I met 11 years ago in our department was caught cheating. It was sleeping with a 40 year old for 6 months. He blames stress fr him failing his cardiac part of his paramedic class, not being able to get a good full time spot, us being so busy, an he says he can’t open up bout work. I do love him, I have had a hunch since June but wanted him to admit it giving him chances an everything. My question for other fire wives is should we do the counseling (I have moved out already) or is this not fixable. Was wondering if anyone could help give me insight.
And my initial response to her:
Absolutely do counseling and absolutely work on it! The fact that you both want to is a huge factor. You can make this work. It will take time and healing. A counselor is a big help in that. We have had this topic many times in our private wives group if you feel comfortable talking there. (firefighterwife.com/connect) In fact there was a big thread about this just last week from one wife who’s husband just ended a year long relationship with a 26 year old EMT. Some books that are recommended in our wives group – The Love Dare (have you seen the movie Fireproof that goes along with it?) , The Power of a Praying Wife. Love and Respect.