This fire couple’s marriage was totally transformed. If you can relate to some of these pains they went though, you may want to try The Love Dare. We have added the special fire related issues. Click here to sign up. Thank you Allison and Calvin for sharing!!! ~ Lori
My Firefighter & I would like to share our TESTIMONY with you…we shared at our church previously. We pray that it may give you hope for your relationship. Here it is:
[ALISON] Hello, we are Alison and Calvin Pascua. We are thrilled to share our testimony with you today…even though Calvin is probably sweating buckets right now since he doesn’t like public speaking. But here it is…
[CALVIN] We were married at 20 and 21 years old. We never really experienced a “honeymoon stage” that we hear so many people talk about. We already had two teenage foster children, worked full time jobs, and attended college. Our schedules were jam packed and we made no time for each other. We had our priorities all messed up and our relationship was on the back burner.
[ALISON] We soon realized that we couldn’t even talk to each other and all we did was fight. I would tell him to “stop acting like a 5 year old.” I took charge, bossed him around, and didn’t consult him on his opinion. He was not the man I married and I found him to be selfish and dishonest and disrespectful. However, I was frequently reminded of Ephesians 5:33 which states that “wives must respect their husbands.”
[CALVIN] I continued to hurt and disrespect my wife with multiple affairs, which included constant lying, hiding and sneaking around. I had a sexual addiction and it kept me from being intimate with my wife. Instead, I pushed Alison away and became very lonely. I had lost all respect and trust from my wife. My selfish behavior led to many arguments. I would just storm off during fights, not come home at times, and would go days without speaking to her. I blamed her. I resented her for being so controlling and pushing me to share my feelings. She would frequently tell me that she “couldn’t trust me” and that she felt I hated her. I did not want to work things out and I soon began throwing around the word “divorce”.
[ALISON] I consulted with everyone else about our troubles, instead of communicating with Calvin about how I felt. I eventually felt unloved and lonely and ashamed. He refused to go to counseling. I was walking on eggshells for fear that he might leave me. Although I was raised not to believe in divorce, I was ready to do it in a heartbeat. 1 Corinthians 7:13-14 came to my mind frequently; “And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife…” But in my mind, I felt that I would not be sinning as long I did not initiate the divorce myself.
[ALISON] My best girl friend would always listen to me vent, correct me, pray for us, and turn me back to God’s word. She had faith that one day we would have an awesome testimony!
[CALVIN] Alison was passionate, persistent, and remained faithful. She always prayed for me. I found it hard to believe that she stuck with me all that time and forgave me after all that I did. This was obviously God working through her. We started attending church and soon joined a small group. Since then, we have attended every marriage class that New Hope Leeward has offered…you can usually hear us, since Alison’s laugh is heard throughout the room! We have read many marital books that helped us to make better decisions and take action. We learned many great communication skills along the way that slowly improved our life together. As we began to work on our marriage and let God do the heart work in us, we fell in love all over again and I committed to be faithful to my wife. We started focusing on selfless acts of kindness. Daily, we share with each other at least one endearing quality or something we appreciate about the other person.
[ALISON] Additionally, we attended a United Marriage Encounter weekend. This awesome time was devoted only to our relationship and was all about helping us to communicate better in marriage. We learned how to dialogue and share feelings. We now cherish honesty in our relationship. We decided to reprioritize our life; put God first, followed by spouse, family, and career. With this in mind, we got rid of cable TV and internet in our home. We began to focus on each other and our kids. We write love letters to each other often. And, even though Calvin is at the fire station every other night, we still pray together daily before bed.
[CALVIN] Our tremendous progress was just confirmed when we took the online Couples Check-up on our church website. When we received our couples report, it reflected that communication, sexual relationship, spiritual beliefs, and family and friends were our strengths. Awesome! All the focus on our marriage has really worked!
[ALISON] God healed our marriage and restored our love and respect for each other. Today, we have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls; ages 7, 5, 4, and 2 yrs. In October we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. Our marriage is a continual work in progress…but we love being married! We are happier than ever, share life together, have great intimacy, and are now best friends. God is great!