If you’re still reading, you might be a bit confused. This is definitely taking some tried and true marriage principles and completely turning them around. No more unity candles? What?!!?
Now I am totally a believer in needing to be good and steady as an individual to be able to fully and healthily partake in a relationship. But 12 years into marriage, and in general consumed with taking care of the 4 children living with us in this house, it’s been quite some time since I’ve focused on the “me” part of our marriage.
Actually, I focus a lot on “me” in my business work. Step one of running a business is to know yourself really well. So you go into a business that you truly care about and keeps you motivated and interested for a long time. And so you can hire the people around you to fill in the gaps where you have weaknesses. So I do spend time there.
But the honest truth is that I haven’t spun that view on my marriage since the first couple of years. We’ve morphed into this comfortable, “safe” couple. Still massively in love. Our adventure and excitement comes a lot from the randomness of 4 very unique children we parent together. Yep. We’re in those heavy parenting years that end abruptly at the empty nest where you don’t want to be caught saying “Do I know you?”
I’m definitely feeling my skin crawl when I read something that sounds completely counter to some of the Love Dare principles, I’m having to be sure I read the whole thing, take it all into context and realize, he is saying the same thing…..but from quite a different perspective. And I do like it. But it can be tough to read something that on the surface seems so against the mainstream (Christian) teachings on religion.
So if you’re feeling a little squirmy with this, keep plowing through and give it a chance…..I like where it’s going.
(and you’ll just have to trust me on that one 🙂
Set aside all those cheesy movie one liners like “You complete me” or “I NEED you!” It’s way sexier to be WANTED.
Ponder these questions and post your answers below in the comments…
1. Thinking back over your marriage, what have you been convinced (until now!) is a need of yours that your spouse is supposed to meet?
2. What did you think of the “trust and safety” discussion? He is not saying don’t “trust” your spouse. But he is saying that can lull us into a really boring spot in our marriages….which isn’t a place of growth which means you are in danger of actually moving apart. Do you have any boring spots like this? (If you are newly weds, what do you fear about the boring spots?)
3. List some differences between you and your spouse and celebrate them as unique to each of you. Example: I’m a horrible cook but he is a gourmet chef.
4. Have you forgotten who you are? This can happen in our busy lives. What are some ways you can recharge “you”? examples: picking up a new hobby (or an old one you don’t have time for), reading more, spending some time with girlfriends.