This week’s diaries come to you from Idaho Fire Chief’s Wife and FirefighterWife.com advisor, Katt Keller.

Diary

Goals for today:

1.Dr appointment scheduled, ASAP

2.Bleach, bleach and more raw hands.

3.Don’t stress, you’re blessed

~ It’s Monday morning, 6 a.m.and there is crap everywhere. NO, literally ~ dog crap, 8 yr old crap, Chief crap, our house is FLU CENTRAL!

What the heck?!?!
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I have one day off a week, today, Mondays…… I wish there was a permanent snooze button I could push…. Oh wait, Lyn, can you beam me up?

Boldly going – to clean – where I have already cleaned before – awwww crap.  😉 Happy Monday!

10 a.m. Just poked my head into Midgets room to see if he’s stirring yet. He had a 7-10 second seizure last night. We haven’t seen one of those in 4 years. It could have stayed away, that would have been just fine in my book. He’s also been down with the flu for three days. I called the Dr @ 9 and left a message, apparently she doesn’t open until 10. It’s probably a good thing Dr’s don’t feel the urgency in a mom’s heart when they call in to schedule that appointment that they really wanted yesterday. I should jump in the shower in case she calls back and says *Come Now*, but my mind wanders too, the second I’m away from my phone, guess who will call. Every. Time.

Noon- Idaho has been a dry bone this winter. I’m not excited to see fresh fruit and veggie prices in the spring. But of course, the day I’m needing to head out packing a sick 8 yr old in tow – it’s a snow storm. Dr still hasn’t called, so out the door we go. Yes, I’m one of ~those~ mom’s who doesn’t like to be ignored. As I’m loading him in the truck a thought crosses my mind of an episode of Little House on the Prairie where someone would send for the Dr and he would *always* respond in his horse and buggy. And quickly! ~ So thankful the horse and buggy days are gone, however, I wouldn’t mind the house call. 🙂 Chief texts me as I’m pulling out of the garage, “Do you have an appointment yet?” TBH, I ignored it, because truly, I don’t know if I do. I’m pushing for YES. I’ll respond when I know more, Chief likes his facts. Whether he’s at the station or home, give it to him straight, with all the details you know, so he can make a well informed decision. I guess that comes with the turf?
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12:45 p.m. – Just walked into the Dr’s office and I held the door open for an elderly woman, supporting herself with a white cane and dressed in purple from head to toe. The Barney melody instantly flashes through my mind and I quickly move on with my thoughts otherwise I will have that dreaded song embedded in my head for d.a.y.s…. She turns to me and I see a very weathered woman. She looks so tired, in despair. I ask her if I could help her to a seat as I’m putting midget down in a chair in the waiting room. Her response to me set me back. “Will you please pray with me?” Tears fill my eyes. “of course” is all I can choke out. She goes on to explain how she just moved to town and is forced to care for her son who is passing away from a brain tumor. Only God can save her son and she is the only living relative in their family. I can’t hold back, tears are flowing. Midget is watching with huge eyes, seeing me cry, his eyes also fill with tears. I pray with her, surprisingly no one waiting in the waiting room, no one entering or leaving. i embrace a perfect stranger who just needs God’s touch. She gets up from the chair and walks out. As i sit here marveling in what just happened, Midget asks me “Mom, why was she here, she didn’t even see the Dr!” I don’t know, Divine appointment?

1:30 p.m. – Dr G finally is strolling into the waiting room and I still haven’t talked to a receptionist or talked to anyone for that matter, besides the lady in purple. She looks at me and addresses me with “Hello Kathrine, you look fabulous!” I just smile back and look down at my son. I don’t want to make small talk right now… Dr G’s face goes blank. She reaches over and takes Midgets hand and off we go to her examing room. We walk in and Dr G begins with the small talk. This is the first visit Midget has had with my naturopathic Dr. We’ve gone the medical route for his seizures. Test after xray after CT scan, threats of drug trials to see if ~maybe~ it would help, everything showing  *nothing*.  “He’s a perfectly healthy boy” echos in my ears as I question myself, am i in the right place, I don’t want to go down another dead end road…..

Midget hops up on the table and here’s what I witness…

Dr G. “How old are you?”

Midget: “8”

Dr G. “When is your birthday?”

Midget: Recites it

Dr G. “Do you know your full name?”

Midget: Giving me the weird eye, recites his full name.

I watch as she rolls her chair over to the bed he’s sitting on. She smiles and grabs his hands that are resting in his lap. “Now turn your head from side to side like this, touching your chin to each shoulder, can you do that?” Midget copies her, and takes a deep breath in. “Great job, now I want you to touch your chin to your chest, like this” She demonstrates and looks up with a smile. Midget attempts to copy, I watch as his chin descends to his chest and then, just like last night, he folds in half only to pronate and show me the whites of his eyes as his little body starts shaking in another seizure. Reaching over I calmly lay his body across her exam table whispering in his ear “I’m right here, mom has your hand, don’t be scared, I haven’t left you. I’m here.”  Guilt floods me, Chief should be here. Dr G grabs her oil box and gives me a smile with “I guess he wants to demonstrate what’s going on” How many times do we drag our children to the Dr only to have them act *completely* healthy once you finally get them there….. not today.

2:30 p.m. Chief has now texted two more times and I can imagine his patient level has plummeted into the abyss. We both have such an amazing bond with our youngest son, nicknamed Midget. We adopted him the day he was born and he has unfortunately had health battles his entire life. We’ve watched with awe as God has healed each obstacle that has come up against his little body, hence the nickname Midget. This seems to be the last obstacle we need to overcome. Dr G looks at me and says “you were messing with his feet last night when he seized weren’t you?” OMG, How did she know that? “Yes, i was trimming his toe nails after his bath. I grabbed under his big toe and down he went.” The smile on her face brought a wave of peace over my entire body. Shaking her head “Yes, it’s just a pinched nerve in his neck. We’ll get that back in place and as long as he stays adjusted we shouldn’t see another seizure.” REALLY?!?! 8 years of on and off seizures and you mean to tell me I’ve dropped literally thousands of dollars into scans, exams and xrays to hear, his neck is out? Not to mention: How much damage has been done to his little body with each seizure? Skeptical? You betcha. Hoping, praying and seeking truth is exhausting, please Lord, just show up today. Midget has come around, feeling like himself so Dr G gets on with her work. Adjusting his neck, left hip and right shoulder midget sits up, pauses and then says to me “Oh my gosh mom, my neck doesn’t make noise anymore!! When I turn my head, I don’t hear anything.” More tears. Confirmation.

3:00 p.m. Call Chief, all over myself with apologies and telling him I truly wished he had been there. Another battle faced by the mighty firewife, what choice do we have? I promise, we are headed RIGHT to the station.
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3:30 p.m. Pulling up to the station more tears appear. I just can’t hold them back. Midget runs, yes, runs into the station to tell all his “friends” about what just happened to him. He stops in his tracks at the sight of the new tender that pulled in this past Friday. All I’ve heard about at home is all the problems in Chief’s brand new tender. “How can they screw up a new truck”, “Can’t anyone do anything right anymore?” …  Le Siiiigh, I smile, listen, smile, cook, smile, and change the subject. I heard him, he vented, now let’s get on with our night, is always my outlook. Anyway, the guys all come up to us and truly look concerned about the *diagnosis*. I explained everything that happened and how she knew about me touching his feet when he seized the first time and his comment about his neck not making noise anymore. They were so happy with me. So genuine. Next to my home, I have a home there. They care about my family. I wish they knew how much Chief and I cared about their families as well. I wish I could sit down with each family and just pour out my concern for them and share with them how I pray over their families daily. How my heart aches for the other wives when their husbands go away for training or I hear the tones drop for a structure fire. There’s a certain stigma that goes along with the title *Chief Wife*.  I’m not better than you. I’m not expecting you to worship the ground I walk on because I’m at ~the top of the chain~. I’m here to serve you, to love you, to pray over you and I hope you know how much Chief worries about each choice he makes because he knows it could be the difference in your husband going home that night. What a man I have… What a weight he carries…

Jumping ahead

9:00 p.m. No seizure, no dinner either. Everyone is wiped out. Answers have come today for many people in many ways. I pulled a drink together and then went into the bathroom to wash up my face. As I walk back into the kitchen my 100 lb German Shepherd, Gus,  is bellied up to the counter lapping out of my glass. Yup. That’s how today is coming to a close.  See you tomorrow. Taco Tuesday. Mmmmm, can’t wait! <3

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~Katt

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Jessie -

Administrative Assistant at FirefighterWife.com
I'm a work from home, 30 something, small town, Southern Georgia girl. I have two daughters, one in high school and one in primary school. I am the wife, biggest supporter and BFF to my country Firefighter/EMT husband of 8 years. When I'm not juggling life, I like cooking, crafting, gardening and just enjoying life.

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