Credit to Heather Isaacs
As most people know, our firefighters have very odd schedules (odd to most people = normal to us). It’s only more complicated with those of us that have kids in school, working outside the house, and kids involved in extra-curricular activities. This being my second marriage, I didn’t always live this lifestyle…you know, having my husband gone for 24 hours every third day. I was used to the “normal” married lifestyle with both of us working 9-5 outside of the home. This new lifestyle has forced me to be creative with the time I have with my husband, which as some of you know, is only 10 minutes some mornings.
Here are some creative ways to make the most of your time aside from the traditional “date night”:
• Early morning breakfast date. This one is hard for me because I already wake up so early to get myself (and sometimes the kids) ready for work. But, a couple of times I have set my clock for an hour earlier so I can have breakfast ready when he returns home from his shift. This totally speaks to his “Acts of Service” love language. He is usually the cook in our house, so coming home to a pseudo-gourmet breakfast is awesome.
• Middle of the day lunch dates. For a lot of fire service families, these are crucial, especially when the kids are in school. At least once a month, we try to make time to go to the other person’s part of town (where we are working) and meet up for lunch. It may be 30 minutes or even as long as an hour…but the important part is that it’s just us and we can have our adult conversation without hearing “Mooooooommmmmm” or “Daaaaaaddddd.” These dates keep us alive and connected better than almost anything.
• Late night fireside chats. We live in Orlando, so fireplaces aren’t really an option for us. But, we live on a lake and have a beautiful swimming pool with a fire pit. On more than one occasion…after we’ve put the kids to bed…we will go outside, light up the fire pit and listen to music. We each take turns playing our favorite songs and sometimes even end up singing them to each other. We may or may not have skinny dipped at times too!
I wouldn’t give up living this life with my fireman for anything. The important thing to remember is to make your marriage first and connect whenever you can.
Tell us about the best way you have found to make alone time for you and your fireman.
Want more ideas from other women with this not so normal lifestyle? Join the Fire Wife Sisterhood! Every fire wife, fiance and girlfriend is welcome to join this amazing group of women from all over the country and beyond. This group is supportive, encouraging and uplifting and offers a multitude of small group settles for different personal preferences and interests. CLICK HERE to join.
Is it that you’ve forgotten that you used to be head over heels in love with constant butterflies around your spouse? Why does that need to end? Let’s take a break from the busy-ness of life and date each other again! Take a 6 week journey of intentional focus on the love of your life with Marriage on Fire. This self-paced video series was designed especially for first responders, by a firefighter and his wife . Reignite that loving feeling by registering for Marriage on Fire HERE.
Firefighter Wife
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Right now he is working 0730-1930. It’s actually a good schedule for now. The one thing that I have really been challenging myself with is having dinner ready when he gets home. Since he works as an EMT, they often get held over. I have a general game plan for dinner, and then get going when he texts that he is on his way (this 20 minute commute is a lifesaver that way). Sometimes we don’t have dinner til 10 pm, but at least it’s together and we get to connect!
I have been in the fire service over 30+ yrs. My wife adapted very well to my schedule. She would tell me it’s nice when I am home, but it’s also nice to have time to herself when I was on shift for 24 hrs. As most firefighters they have side jobs which adds to the stress of being home alone or having to care for the kids. For me that was the hardest to deal with was not being there on a consistent basis for the kids when they had sporting events, school functions or being sick, which made it rough for her. When I was home I made sure she had time to herself to go get pampered.
Since I have a new schedule of 48 hrs on shift and 96 hrs off and our kids are grown and dealing with their own families we have plenty of time to reconnect. Being a firefighter, you have to be married to a special woman that can handle that type of life style. The stresses of not knowing if there would be a knock on the door anytime of the day or not is the hardest part of this job for her. We have been married over 30+ yrs , she’s an amazing woman to put up with me and my life as a firefighter. We are both close to retirement and we so look forward to traveling and spoiling grandkids. If I had to do this career all over again it would be with her at my side. She is my backbone and support system through my career.
Ladies I applaud each of you for being there for you firefighter. You have no idea how important it is to have a wife you can come to and lean on her and cry when you have to pull that child out of a fire or a family looses their parents. They may not tell you every time or everyday how much you mean to them, just know deep down in their heart they love you with all their being!!
May I suggest a movie I think all firefighters and their wives should watch. It’s called “Fireproof”.
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My husband and I have a 15 month old and he is on a 2×4. The other week, I told him I had a “fun” date night planned for us at home after the baby went to bed. My husband likes to play video games so, keeping that in mind, I found a Super Nintendo (very old school compared to his new play station 4!) and set it up in our guest bedroom. I walked him upstairs and into the room where I had a bunch of candles lit, a bucket of ice cold beer, and the controllers on the bed. We laughed and played for hours! It’s nice to get creative with at home dates since we have such a little guy on our hands 🙂
We live in Orlando too Lori. I havent joined the firefighterwife crew YET because my husband is still in school but when we do i will be a nurse and he will be a FF. this will be an interesting schedule for us and our 3 little ones but we are so ready! Cant wait to be apart of this amazing community.
Joselyn,
My boyfriend of 6 years is a part time firefighter and Paramedic seeking full time work and I am a full time ER nurse and part time EMT. While we don’t have any children yet, I often struggle to see how we will manage our crazy schedules when we do finally get married and start a family. I wish you the best of luck with this tough task, and if you have any pointers, please feel free to share! Trying to manage a family, 12 hour shifts and 24 hour shifts just seems like an impossible feat sometimes…