Dani asked: “My boyfriend starts fire academy in the fall….last night we drove by a horrific fire that sadly claimed a firefighters life. is it wrong to be so afraid for my boyfriend?”

Oh boy, this is a rough one since he hasn’t even gotten hired yet. He’s so hungry to be there at the fire that you are dealing with a different animal.  His thought is he could have been so much help there and why couldn’t he have been there.  You are probably (from your question) a big WHY ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS DAILY?!”

One big thing is unless they are in a major (MAJOR) city, they aren’t on fires daily  In fact we’re a big department and my hubby can go months without a fire.  Don’t tell some of them that, it’s what keeps some of them going. lol  Most calls are medic.  Sadly, if you do a little research, I’ll take a fire any day to the meth heads, tweakers and crazies they go on calls to.  Let alone all those criminals that have no business being out of prison yet, but budget cuts have sent home early.  But that’s a different worry and I definitely don’t mean to make things worse for you.

It is not sad or sorry to hope and wish that you don’t  go through the same horror this family just did.  It’s everything we all worry about.  However, the daily happy life outweighs the worry in my case and those I hang with.  I’m thankful for the man that loves to help others.  That truly lives to help others.  If this didn’t full-fill him, then what was I doing supporting him mentally for 17 years before this happened?  My story is different and yours will be as well.

I’ve been with my hubby for a long time.  I’ve seen him pull in major money just to support us and hate every second of his work.  I’ve now also seen him pull in more money than ever because he loves it and it’s not work.  Even with more OT and tired as hell.  To me, there is no discussion where I want him.  But again, I’m not sure if this is because I have been with him for so long and I’ve seen how miserable he was before getting hired on.

I guess part of my thing is I have a really good friend that lost her husband IN a horrible car accident.  I lived everyday with my hubby commuting 2ish hours each way while doing construction and our traffic is really bad around here, I really worried about him on that commute.  My friends loss was a true-life nightmare and it’s not my story to tell, but let’s just say she is a dispatcher and was at work at the time of the call.  She had 2 young one’s at that time and no time to deal with it herself.  I say this because it’s been over 12 years since her loss and I didn’t know her husband at all.  She is a very strong woman and I know I could pull from her strength and she would whip me into shape with no excuses.  Look around you for the resources that will help you stay strong on days they have bad calls that you know about so you aren’t worrying yourself sick.

I can talk all big because all of us can predict what we want, but until we go through it there is no way to tell.  Right now, I CHOOSE that he gives everything to what he loves.  I CHOOSE to back him up 300% so he does this until way past retirement.  I CHOOSE to push him past what he expects to accomplish himself because I know he can move up high in the ranks.  I also CHOOSE to love this man that can help so many that won’t help themselves.

Dani, you drove by something that is not the norm.  If you need to chat further, we can do so privately.  Because NO DEPT loses their Chief in the line of duty and the ramifications from that have been huge in our life.  We have major fires in our area and no losses in a very long time.  We live in the Seattle area and I’m telling you, this is very much not the norm to lose someone in a fire or accident.  Doesn’t make anything easier, but it’s rare.

I wish you and your boyfriend much success and discussion in your lives.  Talking about it is one of the hardest and most necessary things you can do.

Sorry, I got totally long winded with this one!