Communicate or be Miserable

Read any number of my blog posts and you will see that I think communication is the key to EVERYTHING in a relationship. Without it you become a single entity in this journey and the bitterness will suffocate you.

Q:Thank you for your blog. I am going crazy with no support from my hubby, as I am not really supporting him. My husband works a full time job as a truck driver. He works from 6am and does not get home usually till 4-4:30 and sometimes he works late. We have been together for 10 yrs we have 2 wonderful boys 7 and 4 and they are more than a handful at times. I work as a school bus driver, so during the school year I am out the door by 6 also with both boys dressed, fed ,and ready for school, some mornings I forget about “ME” I have a little break during the day till I pick the kids up from school and bring them home. The boys are on the bus with me during my routes and omg that is so crazy at times. we get home around 4-4:30 also. than its homework, snack and lunches made for the next day, backpacks ready, and of course dinner. Not even included bills, cleaning, laundry, dishes and everyday things. I am going nuts its allot to handle, my husband doesnt really help too much. Now that I have vented a little, my hubby is about to be a volunteer firefighter, and training to get his emt. He lives out of the district to be on call so after his full time job he needs to sleep at the station. I am being so sellfish about what he wants to do, I feel life is so crazy and hectic now that this isnt the right time for him to be doing this. I am tellling him if this is what he wants to do Im not going to stop him from it, but I also tell him how hard it is going to be for me exspecially. He obviously gets upset, I read your blog about volunteer firewives. I just want a real life input on my situation. What do you think about this. How can I deal with my stress and also be supportive, I dont want to loose him over my selfishness and fear about being a “single mom”. Thank you so much for your help

A: Well I think the second sentence summed up quite a bit. You don’t feel like either of you are supporting each other and I’d start there.  You need to get the dialogue going about how you feel like you are doing more than your share and feeling buried. Stick to how things are making you feel and that you don’t want those feelings to become worse so you need to be able to talk to him about it. It is definitely going to be a lot and there are some little things that you can ask him to take over that will really help you out.

Set up family days and date nights on the calendar. Days that unless it’s a truly big emergency, nothing gets to interrupt that time. If you make time for your relationship and for the family it will be much easier to keep communicating as things arise.

As with many families that both parents work, everyone has to chip in with the chores on the weekends. Get lists going and also get those boys helping. They are plenty old enough to vacuum, dust, fold clothes, and pick up items around the house. Have it be your 7 year olds responsibility to empty and/or load the dishwasher. Create those habits and you’ll have much more help down the road. It is a little bit of work to begin with, but worth it.

For easier meal times let me shamelessly plug my Once a Week Cooking weekly meal plans site. Take a few hours on the weekend and create all the meals for the week. Then it’s just warming up and adding side dishes. No thinking necessary after a long day of work. Helped me tremendously when I was working and going to school full-time.

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