Sometimes it’s hard to remember it’s only been 4 years since being hired on with the department. It’s weird to think of those years and the people we DIDN’T have in our lives before. I know how lucky we are in the close friendships we have and I try hard not to take that for granted.
That said, it’s not all flowers and candy. It’s family and every family has issues. Some are bigger than others, but in the end we are all stuck together so we better work it out. lol A core group of us are super close and this year has been a rough start because the guys had to bid on two different shifts. We can’t get together as much as we’d like because scheduling is a PIA. However, that hasn’t stopped us girls.
Some of the wives got a bunco group started and it’s been a blast and much needed. I know for me I have rarely gotten together with just the girls. It’s usually a couples or group thing and then we girls may filter off and gab without the guys. But this bunco is no-boys-allowed once a month. It’s been fun to meet wives that I don’t even “know” their husbands. We’ve done so much merging, hiring and then shift changes in the last couple of years I can’t keep up with who’s who unless hubby has actually worked a bit with them.
I had a wife contact me that definitely doesn’t have the same thing going on in her department. Sadly, there is a lot of gossiping and backstabbing going on and it’s distressing to the work environment and home life too I’m sure. She’s with a military FD and after a little further discussion she was pretty clear that it’s not the guys at work (thankfully) having an issue getting along, it’s the wives. I didn’t ask how large the department was and I think that will probably have a different affect on the situation. Our department is quite large now so if some of the wives don’t want to get along it’s easier to ignore.
Now for me I have a totally different takes on things. I come into offering advice as a (kinda) secure 38 year old. I’m loud and opinionated and I can’t apologize for it anymore. I am well aware I turn some people off because I am loud, but I can’t possibly get along with everyone in the world. I tried changing and it was miserable and too much work to fight my own personality. lol
My biggest advice in this situation is probably not something that many would want to hear. I’d be really evaluating if these women are who I want to try to bring into my life or if I should be running from them? I have let myself fall into negative female relationships before and all that negative just sucks the happiness from your own life. I found myself complaining all the time and honestly, I didn’t have much I should be complaining about. But those types of women don’t want to hear about things that are good in your life because they want to wallow in their misery and bring you down so they can feel better about their lives. I can’t stand liars and sneaky people so any rumors that would be started by these women I’d have to call them out. So as you can see, at this point in my life, I really wouldn’t be trying to get together with the women of this other department if they were acting that way. However, that is from years of experience and trial and error.
But if it’s a small department and especially since it’s military, you may be living closely to each other. You may not have anyone else to rely on, then let’s brainstorm some ideas for getting the girls together in a positive way.
1. Plan a small get together for crafting or a spa party. If you only have 2-3 women in the department that you talk to frequently, then invite them. Ask them to bring someone else in the department that they have gotten to be friends with. Then work hard to keep the conversation positive in these first couple of meetings while everyone is getting to know each other. If everyone is having fun then more people will want to join in each month.
2. Plan a kids event. Go bowling, skating or even just a BBQ/picnic in the park. Follow the same positive spin as above. It may be hard work at the first few events to stop the negative people from gossiping, but will be worth it when more women are joining each month.
3. If all else fails, then plan a couples dinner party. Tell hubby that the point is to get the girls gabbing off by themselves so you can set a girls event up. You may need his help in this and he can talk to the guys about it as well so you can recruit their help.
One other piece of advice is the fact that many guys don’t want to hang out with others from the department. They want to keep the two lives separate. This will make it more difficult for you to get their wives involved in anything because they may feel the same way. Just be aware that they may never join in on a girls event. Some of the women also don’t want to be a part of their husbands work life and you’ll never get them there either. Just put out the offer nicely and let them know when events are going to happen that you’d love group at. Don’t get your feelings hurt if they don’t show up.
Do you get together with the wives or girlfriends in the department? Have any suggestions for working through issues and getting all the girls together?
Oh, for the curious…I’m the brunette in the group pic. Just in case it wasn’t obvious from my blog theme 
All valid points and GREAT advice for any FD wife!
Yes, in several capacities! We have an active auxiliary that not only supports the union and helps out in any way requested, but also plans various events. Some are couples only, some are for the whole family, and some are just for the ladies. We also have a regular business meeting once a month that’s a great time to get important business done while also having fun.
This is a great way to help out, while also strengthening friendships that due to different shifts, may not have been developed.
Thanks Jessica.
Lori, I am not sure how with a department our size no one has started an official auxiliary yet. But we do have a lot of women dedicated to helping so I guess having the communication so open has been enough.
Twitter: FireMom
says:
Ours doesn’t gossip. Or get together. We just don’t DO anything. And while I’d love to, I don’t have the time to motivate and organize right now.
That is sad. I totally understand the no motivatation and time to organize something. Do you get together as couples? If I go a few days without calling, texting or seeing someone in the department it feels odd. But it does cause it’s own issues at times because we definitely can fight like brothers and sisters. lol
it is sad but reading all these comments it seems all stations are different..so to each his own i guess
Each station and even each family. I know a few wives that don’t like to hang out with others from the department because it’s too much for them with hearing them talk about work and calls. Every personality is different with how we deal with things.
I’ve got the husband who doesn’t socialize well, and so he never tells me if anything is going on. It drives me nuts, because I would LOVE to get together with the wives! Maybe it’s time to get an auxiliary going in the department, so at least I’d get to know people!
Kristi, consider yourself on the wive’s invite list from now on
Sounds like a good excuse to plan something. I have wondered why we don’t have an auxiliary. You start it, I’ll back ya. lol
I’ve heard from our PubEd person there’s going to be a FB page, but I’ve been hearing that since the banquet LAST year, and it hasn’t happened that I know of.
There’s actually a couple of pages that have been created, but they never had anything added. I clicked on one of them probably a year ago, saying I’d be willing to help. Buckley has done an incredible job with their fanpage.
Twitter: AlmostMrsL
says:
I know I’m late on this, but while surfing around the internet, I stumbled across your lovely blog and wanted to comment on this! I’m engaged to a volunteer firefighter. We have an auxillary, and I’ve talked several times to my fiance about joining, but he always says they’re pretty much pointless. They don’t do much. I wish I was better friends with the other wives/girlfriends, but most of the wives are significantly older than me, and the girlfriends that are around my age aren’t the type of people I hang out with. I actually get along best with a couple of the girls that actually run at the station! I think that’s partly because I volunteer in EMS.
Never too late to join the discussion. There are so many posts here and I hope some of the older one’s will still be helpful.
We’ve never had an auxiliary. Not as a volunteer department nor when we merged with the paid department. I hear very mixed reviews of auxiliaries and volunteer departments are also very different in participation. I met most everyone once a year at the Christmas party when we were a volunteer department. Just a totally different vibe.
Is there anyone on the department that he hangs with at all? That’s how it all starts. Hanging with a couple of the others in the department a few times and then it becomes a good habit
Then if there are a couple of people you grow closer to, you could all join the auxiliary together and feel more comfortable.
With the weather changing, ask your fiance about having a BBQ. I know over the many, many years I’ve had to push hubby out of his comfort zone and tell him we’re hosting everyone for a party.
Twitter: AlmostMrsL
says:
There are plenty of guys that he likes hanging out with, but most of the ones he really likes are single. I’ve tried multiple times to get him to set up stuff with some of the younger couples. Maybe I’ll just have to push more!
I do have a friend that I’m becoming closer to that is also engaged to a firefighter. He doesn’t run at the same firehouse, but it’s still nice to have someone that knows the routine!
Yeah, becomes difficult if they aren’t people he wants to hang out with as much. Definitely get together with the other couple. Doesn’t matter at all if they are out of the same house or not. Our dept is pretty large now so the guys are mostly split up on stations and even shifts now
We just make it work. Like tonight for the fights and a BBQ!