It’s hard to believe that today marks a year since our Chief passed away. It’s been a year of many changes. Last August and September I honestly wouldn’t have thought I would be posting this as a fire wife. I was honestly getting worried I’d be an ex.
Dealing with this loss was tremendously hard on our relationship. It was so hard on hubby. Chief wasn’t all that much older than us and his girls are only teens and early 20′s. He and his wife had been together for a long time and were best friends as well. There were times I worried hubby would not stay in the fire service. He just never wanted to put us through what they were going through.
But I’m happy to report that after this horrendous and at times wonderful year, we have come out the other side stronger than ever. Our communication skills have increased 10 fold and I am now not afraid to tell him when things worry me. It helps him as much as it does me. My worry reminds him how much I love him, so he does need to know. I’m not the type to generally let people know because I’m the strong one in my family and always have been. I’m the one that is here for you and can take anything. But it broke that wall in our relationship that I had been building back up in order to deal with him doing the job he does.
It also made me seek outside help. This blog for example. I started this blog to help me work through the grief and to also try to stay sane on the nights and days alone. I also found the incredible Fire Wives forum to talk to other wives around the world. Both of these outlets have helped me tremendously.
There is a memorial today and they will commemorate a beautiful pond in his memory. I left it up to hubby whether he felt we should go. Thankfully he said no, he didn’t need to go. I don’t think we do either. Our consensus when he talked it out was that we have mourned enough. We have worked very hard to move past the sadness and we have. Neither of us wants to bring those tears back in again or that horrendous ache. Chicken way out? Possibly, but there were some that couldn’t go to all the things we did back a year ago. Everyone deals with death differently.
Ironically we have a big family BBQ today at my mother-in-laws. Our adult niece and nephew are supposed to be there. I’m excited to see loved one’s I rarely see anymore. I find it a very fitting way to pass this marker in our lives. Surrounded by loved one’s laughing and eating the day away!
Twitter: FireMom
says:
(Catching up on internetting from when I was gone.)
I hope you had a good time at the cookout. We likely would have chosen a similar path. I’m also glad that you are writing this post as a wife as well. Sending my best.
It was perfect. Our neice and nephew were both there and it’s been a year since we’ve seen them. They are 21 and 19 now. OMG, I still am having issues dealing with that. lol The youngest was born 3 months after hubby and I got together! We used to snag my niece and take her to the zoo so her Mom had time with the newborn. WOW.
But even more fitting, our nephew wants to get into the fire service. He’d do great I think. He’s so mellow like hubby. My son is the same way. They don’t get excitable. Not saying that the excitable don’t do well, but I think it’s a little more difficult for our friends with that temperament. lol
Anyway, thank you for stopping by FireMom! I really enjoy your blog as well. It’s always awesome to see read about someone as devoted to their hubby, their happiness, their career, your family and most important…YOURSELF, all in one.
I’m off to post about today which is a harder post. I guess I needed the year to recover some before posting. I thought I would be jumping right into these feelings, but it didn’t happen that way.
Man, sounds like you guys have been through some rough paches, heart goes out.
This just came through on your twitter feed.
So my question is: how are things now?
I added a new plugin and so far I think it’s only pulling sad posts, I need to see if I can go change a setting. But thanks for asking LaDonna.
It will be 3 years in July and things are definitely better. We’ll be having our big annual camping trip this year the weekend before the anniversary and I think that’s appropriate timing. I’m not sure if the guys planned it that way or if it’s just how the two shifts we’re trying to combine for the trip worked out.
At this time it’s gotten easier to put it out of my head. I think it’s something to revisit every once in a while. Our lives have gotten so much busier with the kids and it’s easy to lose a whole week to the chaos. It’s important for everyone to take time and appreciate each day they are given. Not because of the dangerous job my guy does, but because we are blessed with our health in our family and we shouldn’t take that for granted. Visiting my daughters 17 year old friend in the hospital last week who has cancer, reminded me to take time & reflect on all the good I’ve been given today.