Once the communication stops it’s very easy to just keep going with the flow. It’s something that constantly has to be worked on as I find myself going through spurts and I’m not sure why it happens.

Glad you’ve gotten to know people at the station more. All the best in 2012 to you and your wife!

Thank you for your comments, they are very helpful. Since my last post my wife and I have gone through some very rough times, almost to the point where divorce felt immenent. With that said we are still together and we have both had are eyes opened. The first is that we both feel that no matter what happens we both want to remain married. Secondly we are in a unique situation and the options are to divorce or make it work and we have chosen to work through it. The probelm was that we were together 14 years and living a certain way then it seemed overnight everything changed, we were drifting further apart while she was building relationships with co workers. I have never felt that my wife was cheating on me, just that she was growing distant and that scared me. It was never a problem with insecurity only with change that I had no choice in. The good news is that we are very much in love and I think allthough the last 6 months have been hell we will come out the other side stronger and better equiped to handle our unique situation. By the way I did take your advice about getting more involved and getting to know her co workers and it does help alot. Thanks for all~

What is it that is causing the distrust of her work relationships? Is it late night calls, text messages, something inappropriate you have witnessed? My husband works with a few women and I can truly say I am not a bit jealous, but at the beginning it did bother me some. I can look back now and say it was because he had never worked closely with women that he actually enjoyed talking to and had things in common with. It was just an adjustment I had to make to get used to hearing another woman’s name. I can tell you this is completely hypocritical because I have always had guy friends (not that I actually went and hung out with, but work, etc) and when I was personal training I was working very closely with guys. So you can see how I was battling with this on a personal level even knowing it was something he had to deal with many years back.

The issue I see in your comment is that after 7 years it seems to have gotten worse, not better. It’s only been 4 years for us and I’m completely over it. The women he works with are great and I love when we’ve all gotten together.

Do you guys hang out with others from the department? Just like I tell the wives I think this is a big key to feeling more secure. Actually spending time with everyone helps put many feelings into perspective. Also, have you calmly had a discussion about how you feel with her? I know when I have started discussions with, “I know this may sound ridiculous, but it’s how i feel”. It has really opened up communication. Because then he knows I’m battling feelings that may not be rational, but they still have to be dealt with so I can move on.

After 20 years of marriage I hope this is something you can find a common ground on. But communication is so very important. Good luck!