There’s a great story behind why this was his profile picture for awhile. We’ll save that for another post 🙂
I’m proud to announce the first (because there will be more!) blog entry from the man who gives me my title of firefighter wife, my husband Dan. (He’s really a writer but doesn’t believe it yet so give him some encouragement ) I have no idea where we will head with this concept of hearing from the husbands but if you have any wishes, please drop them in the comments.
PS- I’m not responsible for his sense of humor.
Lori AKA WifeOnFire
Greetings folks. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dan, the firefighter who was lucky enough to woo your host here at Firefighter Wife to marry me over 10 years ago. There’s a lot to that story alone but that will need to wait for another day. As for me, I’m a former infantry Marine who was two bad decisions away from having had to pump gas for the rest of his life. Luckily, I found the fire service.
My hope is that I can help lend a perspective that may or may not be being shared already. No matter what happens I reserve the right to, and you deserve the courtesy up front to know, that it is just that, my perspective. I didn’t say universal truth, the way things should be, or anything else that would imply that I’m always right. I know I’m not always right, how do you think I’ve stayed happily married for 10 years?
Let’s start, well, at the logical spot, the beginning. And by beginning for our context I mean the beginning of your particular firefighter’s journey. I can’t speak for everyone but it seems logical that your man, husband, significant other more than likely got into this amazing field of work because he has, or had at one time, a strong desire to be a helper bee to civilization. I don’t mean he was pining to run off to the amazon and dig fresh water wells for the pigmy people.(Although a noble calling), I mean he wanted to feel like he got up in the morning and endeavored to participate in an occupation that mattered. I firmly believe that all guys want to work.(I’m beginning to waiver on this opinion given the disposition of some of the twenty somethings I happen into at times but I’m attempting to keep my faith in human composition). The desire to work is in us, in our genetic make up. Leave us to our own decisions too long without something to do and we end up a wreck. There are long lists of examples of this. (Think any eccentric oddball Hollywood big wig or lottery winner). You’re lucky enough to have not only found a guy who wants to work, but one that chooses to work in a field of noble service. Face it, he could be telling you he desperately wants to trudge hard through the dirt track circuit with dreams of “one day” getting his shot at NASCAR to put food on the table. (Suddenly the long hours, odd shifts and quirky loyalty to his job aren’t looking so discomforting eh?) So rejoice ! He does something that he enjoys ,it does or doesn’t pay the bill and he provides a service to the community, world, whatever….
Passing on the genetic caveman gorilla jaw to our beautiful daughters.
Don’t let me get too far off here though patting myself and all my fellow firefighters on the back too hard. What I wanted to do was try to explain to you folks just how important your role is. Whether you realize it or not, regardless of if you are capable of understanding it or not, you play a huge role in how that guy does his job. I’ve found that quite often the wife or girlfriend of a firefighter is the solid piece in his life that keeps him sane. Let’s be honest. You’re involved with a guy who enjoys breaking things apart, enjoys challenging himself at an extremely taxing level, maintains an island of calm in many a sea of chaos and works shift work that most people find insane. He willingly casts himself into environments that most people wouldn’t wish on their enemies and he sees things that, well, people just shouldn’t. This takes a toll on a man. Admitted or not, it will wear on him. The thrill of the sirens and the excitement of the unexpected nature of the call will fade a bit. Don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy the awesome variety that the job affords. (The fact that I don’t have to sit at a desk all day has probably kept me from running off to join the Merchant Marines more than once.) What I’m referring to is the build up over time of the stress of this job that he won’t even realize he’s under. When this happens he’ll turn to the constants in his life. He’ll look for the things that support him, he’ll desperately need that. He (I) won’t tell you this. We’re men, it’s like that. But he’ll need it none the less. And if it’s not the comfort and support of a caring wife or girlfriend that he can rely on, trust me, he’ll find it in something else. (This list is also long.) My point here is for you to never discount the contribution you make to that guy doing the job. Who you are in the fire service and what you do is important, very important for many of us. Thank you. ….. now…..somebody fix me a sandwich. (I’m kidding, jeeesh)
Dan Mercer is the firefighting hero of the Mercer clan and a master novelist in his own head. He holds two titles. One for the single largest amount of Oreo cookies placed in a human mouth. And the second for the shortest attention span known to man. He lives to to write for FirefighterWife.com (says his wife).
“Never discount the contribution you make to that guy doing the job”
You read that too, right ladies? Every member of the Fire Wife Sisterhood can agree that the fire wives are an important and valuable piece of the fire service. We may not always hear that, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Ask the ladies in the Fire Wife Sisterhood, join today for free at Firefighterwife.com/join
The Fire Service doesn’t always leave us feeling appreciated or valued, at all. Sometimes all we need is an intentional focus on our marriage and the love of our lives. Marriage requires constant work. Then throw in the fire service, kids, schedules, finances and we forget about how you used to be head over heels in love with constant butterflies around your spouse. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Marriage on Fire is a 6 week video series designed especially for first responders, by a firefighter and his wife who have been through both the hot sparks and the tough fires of marriage. Discover the tools you need to make it through though fires too. Find out more about the Marriage on Fire journey HERE.
Lori Mercer
Latest posts by Lori Mercer (see all)
- A Cry For Help From The Homefront of the First Responder Mental Health Crisis - June 4, 2020
- Family First, FDIC, or Both? - April 20, 2018
- When Fire Life Meets Fire Wife Entrepreneurship: how to stay married - June 14, 2017
Great debut, Firefighter Dan! Looking forward to reading more!
Great job! My husband is an electrician by day and volunteer firefighter on call all the rest of day/night. He is also very active in our church 4 evenings out of the week. He is a preacher as well. I’m not sure how he does it all. With 3 kids I sometimes feel very lonesome. I try to be as supportive as I can. We try to take date nights as often as we can.
I’m always ready to bring food to the station for the boys…sandwiches are NOT on the list of what I’ll bring though.
Awesome post Dan. My hubby has been in the fire service for 12 years now, 5 of those paid. There was a big breakdown on a camping trip that he’d gone on a horrendous call. ALL our friends had that night off and we met them there. It was a really bad call. The usual joking happened as that’s how they all deal together, but then the break down happened.
I’m so thankful for a strong support system of men we work with and their wives. We were all there to listen and of course the guys were really there to listen away from us first. Then I got to yell at him for not communicating well for months. Hey, communication is key. IT WILL BUILD UP. When I ask about your shift I don’t want the fluffy version & he knows that.
Dang, sounds like I need to get a guest post going huh Lori? lol
Sounds like you might be ready Val 🙂
I’ll get something drafted up next Tuesday when he’s at work lol
I clearly spend too much time on facebook because I’m trying to “like” your comment 🙂
ROFL I do the same thing
First, Dan well said! I agree with you 100%. What is up with these younger kids coming into this awesome profession and not thinking they ACTUALLY HAVE TO WORK!!!
Second thing, in reply to the last person that posted. (Hotwife). I’m happy things are going well with your husband and his career, I agree communication is KEY, keep in mind there are things that happen and we see that NO ONE should see! There are somethings that we (firefighters) can’t just talk about… Maybe it’s just me… But I don’t think I’m alone here… I LOVE my wife and baby dearly! There are something’s they don’t need to hear, or know.
Again, like Dan said earlier this is just MY opinion, I’m sorry if it differs from yours. I just felt like that needed to be said.
No reason to apologize at all Dan. We’ve all had different experiences. Before getting hired on 6 years ago, I was his ONLY debriefing for 7 years. I had to learn to buck up big time because he had no one else. Horrible suicides, children, people we know, I had to find a compartment in myself as well to put the stories.
What you said is absolutely what he tries to come back with now. “There are some things they don’t need to hear or know”. I agree that no one should have to see what you guys see. But for us personally, he has to still tell me as he can’t change the dynamics of how he deals with things by shutting me out. When he hasn’t told me about things he’s gone into some pretty big depressions. Thankfully if something seems off I can call one of our friends to go needle it out of him also 😉 Takes a village to survive this life with any sanity.
Oh and the younger kids and work…glad it’s not just our dept. No wonder why our original Chief always hired older adults.
Sorry, meant Mike, not Dan. I wasn’t paying enough attention obviously.
Great first post, Dan!
As Dan’s former Squad Leader in the Marines I can tell you he has always been a natural leader and a man you can count on. He is also one of the few men I would trust with my life!
I was also a cop for 17 years and have seen my fair share of things no one should have to see, hear or feel. And many times I would bottle it up because I didnt want to burden my wife with the inhumanity I dealt with during the day. It might have helped if my wife had a forum such as this to vent or get some support.
Nice job Lori! God bless all you firefighters and your wives! Stay safe!
Lance