The Love Dare – Day 5

by | The Love Dare

(You can read more details explaining how we are doing the dare here: The Love Dare with FirefighterWife)


Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning,
it will be reckoned a curse to him.

Proverbs 27:14


Excerpt from The Love Dare Book

“The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.

Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage. Good manners express to your wife or husband, “I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with.” When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest of ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.”

Remember the talk of selflessness and not being too self-focused in the past couple of days?  That’s been the most powerful part of this dare for me.  Just taking a deep breath and saying “Love.  Love.  Unconditional.  Slow to anger.  Patient. Helpful.”  So I thought this image was a good depiction of today’s message.


Today’s Dare

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious.

Ecclesiastes 10:12


Also from the book:

“If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.

Do you wish your spouse would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate? Will you dare to be delightful?”

Pride is one of my personal biggest sins.  And hearing criticisms of myself is not easy.  And telling each other where we need to improve has always been a difficult communication challenge for us.  So I’m really not looking forward to trying this one.  But with God….all things are possible.  And this is why we wanted to do The Love Dare right?  I can already see how doing the dare will allow me to become a better person and truly change my heart, even if it does nothing for my husband.  Ah, but, if I have a more loving heart, there is no doubt he will feel the impact of that.


Here is a big question for you all…

If this is a shift day, are you going to try this conversation over the phone or wait until you are in person?  Perhaps by email or letter would be easier to ask, or even easier to reply?

Comment below or join us in our FirefighterWife community!



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On a mission to be and inspire us all to be better humans, to strengthen fire families & marriages, to nurture and encourage fire wives, do "good business" in all areas of my life and of course, love on my 4 kids.

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  1. Carmen Burbridge

    Definitely not an easy dare for me! I struggle with the sins of pride and wanting others to like me. Criticism often makes me sad and pull away from that person. I have to work today (husband is off on a trade). I asked him to think about it and text me three things that irritate him that I do. I heard recently (on the John Tesh radio show) that people tend to be more honest by text. Also, it gives me time to think and not respond in a defensive way. Pray for me! I’ll need it.

    • WifeOnFire

      I totally thought about doing this one via emails. I know I really do think and process better that way. But all the marriage stuff I’ve seen talks about improving your verbal communications. I’m glad to hear John Tesh “allowing” written communications. I didn’t do so good on this day either :/

      • Rachel Linder

        I don’t need to ask him for todays date, he has expressed multiple times what bugs him the most so I wrote those down.
        1) lack of trust- I’ve accused him of being unfaithful in the past and yes I’m Gods eyes he has committed adultery, so I need to trust he is faithful in all aspects of our marriage.
        2) To quit being negative all the time, if I were to bring up how HIS actions made me feel, I’m being negative because a. I’m thinking of myself and only myself b. I’m verbally attacking him thus being negative.
        3) I need to listen and respect him more, if I don’t listen to what he is saying, I’m showing him disrespect and lack of interest on how he feels, being selfish to be honest.
        My husband isn’t a FF but he still deserves the love and respect he demands and deserves, the Bible clearly states for us women to respect our husbands, if we truly love our husbands then we will respect them.

  2. Audrey

    Being married to a firefighter/ paramedic that works 24 hour shifts. Im a full time paramedic and work 12 hour shifts half of the month on night shift. We met in ems and I thought it would be easy with the variety schedule with both of us understanding it. But now we have 3 kids 4 and under, and our marriage has become more and more strained with each kid. I love my job and I’ve become depressed when I couldn’t work during my injuries. My husband keeps telling me to go working in the er and get my nursing degree, but I’ve worked in the er as an emt-i and was treated badly. Yes that daytime schedule and less likely to get injured would be nice, but God has worked me into so many lives in ems. I recently have been accepted as family to a family of a child that I helped take care of 4 years ago. That feeling is unbelievable!!! I’m doing the love date in hopes to find myself, become closer to God again, and to hopefully save my marriage! Life has thrown so many hardships in our relationship lately that we’ve just stopped talking for the most part face to face. Face to face communication is needed in order to not misinterpret what the other one is trying to say. So more communication is what im trying to get stronger in.



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