(You can read more details explaining how we are doing the dare here: The Love Dare with FirefighterWife)
Love is Responsible
When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
Romans 2:1 HCSB
Excerpt from The Love Dare Book:
“This day could be a milestone in your marriage if you allow it to be….
Today is about personal responsibility…..
We tend to believe that our views are correct, or at least much more correct than our mate’s. And we don’t believe that anybody, give our same set of circumstances, would act much differently than we have. As far as we’re concerned, we’re doing the best we can. And our spouse just ought to be glad we’re as good to them as we are.
But love doesn’t pass the blame so easily or justify selfish motives. Love is not nearly as concerned with its own performance as with other’s needs. When love takes responsibility for its actions, it’s not to prove how noble you’ve been but rather to admit how much further you have to go.
…Seek forgiveness regardless of how your spouse responds. They should forgive you, but your responsibility does not lie with their decision. Admitting your mistakes is your responsibility. If they have wronged you, leave that for them to deal with at another time.”
They should forgive you, but your responsibility does not lie with their decision.
Truth is, it may take years for your spouse to be healed enough to love you in all the ways you need. Truth is, we should never expect our spouse to be able to love us in all the ways we need. They are not perfect but can certainly keep striving for it. This I believe is the secret to lifelong true love and those happy older couples who never seem to be bored of each other.
Truth is, you can right now take personal accountability for your issues, apologize, work on them, and get them off your chest and that alone will help you grow. Even if your spouse doesn’t see or appreciate it.
I know this is hard spot ladies. I’ve been at these points in my life. If your spouse doesn’t know you’re doing the love dare and doesn’t seem to notice or be responding, do not let his non-reaction impact your desire or motivation to improve yourself and your marriage. There is only one person who can totally fulfill your every need and that is God. Turn to Him when your husband is able. Have faith that your husband’s heart will be turned and you will receive his love.
“Each one must examine his own work … in regard to himself alone. (Galatians 6:4)”
Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. As for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.
How are you doing? Has it been easy? Struggling?
Big question for the fire wives…..based on some of the conversations in our private group, I know that our firefighter husbands can be quite critical. It’s good that they have high standards for the important job they are performing. So I’m sure he’s unleashed that stream of high expectations on you at some point. How do you weather those storms?
(note: this might be a very private topic for you. If so, you can always reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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