I’m not like most people, when Friday arrives I see that the *BIG* light at the end of the tunnel is so close that I start to collapse as I approach 5! Okay, maybe it’s closer to 9…. a.m………
And after the week I’ve had…..
On my mind this beautiful morning as I head to bible study: Work is extremely casual today. Make sure my rooms are ready for Sunday service, check in with volunteers and get lessons/craft supplies into classrooms. Aaaaand whatever else happens to land in my day…. I particularly love Friday afternoons and visiting with my friend N. She teaches dance classes in one room of our children’s wing. She always comes in with this HUGE smile, even if her day has left her without energy or has brought her frustration and confusion. We have coffee, put our feet up on my desk, and find something to laugh about.
8 am Bible study with my bff. Same place, same time, every week, makes for one strong friendship. Today we discuss Hannah. Irony, may favorite slang phrase is “Holy Hannah” and yes, I’m discovering she was pretty holy. 😉
10 am Driving to work, thinking about date night. I really want to see Julia Roberts new movie, August: Osage County. The ratings leave me questioning content and how badly I really want to rehash my own childhood while watching hollywood splash someone else’s real life onto millions of movie screens to be ripped apart by overpaid critics and make money off of it….. I guess I’ll judge for myself.
7:00 pm We’re scheduled to double date with my bff and her man, of course, what happens the *second* you make plans to see the 8:00 showing… tones drop. Chief promises to update me about cancelling as soon as he gets to the scene and assesses…
7:15 pm no text.
7:30 pm still no text, texting my bff and telling her we are going to have to do 9:30 or reschedule for a different night if that is to late for them. I’m used to no text even when he promises. The first few years of this lifestyle it would have made my skin boil to have Chief not keep his word. Maybe it’s age, or grace, I don’t know, but I have to keep in the forefront of my mind that his responsibility is keeping *everyone* safe on scene….. A text to me, SHOULD be at the bottom of his priority list! That, and, I now have my own radio! LOL!!! Before I can push send Midget walks in asking me if he can get jammies on and watch a movie in his bed. Still recovering. Day three, no seizures, still believing for complete healing. As I’m getting him set up in his room, Chief walks in “WE gotta GO”.. hahahaha. ya think?!?! Delete my text and let her know we are coming, probably just five minutes late. Aaaah, who wants to watch previews anyway?!?! I just go for the popcorn most of the time! 🙂
8:00 pm arrive to the theater and she’s standing there, with tickets bought, handing them to me.
10:20 pm A lot of silence as the four of us walk out of the theater. I feel tears welling up on the inside of me, while my mom was not profane with her language my mind whirled with childhood moments of her ostracizing me, guilt trips or flashing the glare from across the room while I sat on my dads lap watching Mel’s Diner on tv after dinner. We would all bust a gut with Flo’s “Kiss my grits” and recite it word for word trying to incorporate that whiny accent of hers. I don’t want to get on a ~bad mom~ tangent. I’m also not going to recommend August: Osage County for viewing. I will say, there is a huge hole in my heart from the physical mom not being present in my life, ever. It’s taken a year of therapy, several other women through different seasons in my life who filled a void and having my own beautiful daughter to even get above the rejection I’ve had for 30 some odd years…. if you have a mom that blesses you, tell her.
11:00 pm laying in bed still rolling in my thoughts of the movie. Chief didn’t like it. It was harsh truth. America today, broken families, addictions, lack of compassion, hard hearts, evil prevailing, too much stress. I would assume it hit close to home for him and all the calls he goes on. Instead of basking in the hardness of what took place tonight, I’m shifting my heart to a direction of peace, of compassion, stability, JOY. No one has a perfect life. We all have vices of some kind. But as we walk through our daily, moment by moment choices, I sure have some extraordinary people sharing this journey with me and my family.
I read a blog once by a beautiful ffw Jessie who talked about, who would she be if she wasn’t a ffw? I couldn’t wrap my mind around that thought. It is so much embedded into the farthest corners of my life, I would have to say, once a ffw, always a ffw. You can’t just walk away from something you were designed to do. And if you try…. well, there will be no trying here. So proud of who we are. So thankful for this walk. <3
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