We have heard this comment so often in fire wife discussions and no doubt does it bring an undercurrent of distrust and lack of transparency in marriage.
Scenarios range from husbands picking random girls on Facebook and starting a “get to know you chat” to old friends who come back into their life, to ex’s who want to “keep in touch”, to even co-workers, colleagues, and friends who start to ‘cross that line’ in private messages.
By the way this applies to all social media platforms, websites and text messaging, we aren’t picking on Facebook. Any place you could have a private one-on-one conversation with a member of the opposite sex. AND…it goes for you wives as well. We know that it isn’t just men, we just happen to hear from more women here at FirefighterWife.com.
Listen, we all know men and women are going to interact with each other all the time in life. That’s how it works. So if you are one of those spouses whose skin crawls every time your other half is in contact with someone else, you definitely have some significant issues to work on in your marriage. That’s not where we are going here, that’s something you can and should seek resolution for out though.
What we are going to talk about is healthy boundaries.
In fact, this all boils down to one simple test. The Coffee Talk Test.
What is The Coffee Talk Test?
Picture this – Could you sit in a coffee shop and have the same interactions and conversations with that person outside of your marriage… with your spouse also at the table? Does your spouse find this appropriate or would there be a problem for them to be able to see and hear your interaction?
That’s simple, right?
It doesn’t get any more simple than that. It really be applied to every relationship. All marriages will have different boundaries based on your individual needs, but this test works for any marriage.
As long as you are not recently recovering from an infidelity in your marriage, this test should always work.
May this topic open some healthy growth conversations in your marriage!
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This self-paced course covers all of the best topics from our book, Honor and Commitment: Standard Life Operating Guidelines for Firefighters & Their Families.
It's designed for women who are new to fire life. From just engaged to newlyweds, to long-time wives who find themselves thrust into a new life when their spouse becomes a firefighter later in marriage. This sister, is for you!
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