Fire Life Wisdom {Saying No}

by | Communication, Everyday, Firefighter Marriage

We’re a giving community by its nature.  But there is a limit and we all have breaking points.  Those breaking points should never be at the expense of our families.  The family that will be there no matter if someone has the title firefighter or not.

Ladies, you know what a full plate is.   And you are the one responsible for keeping it too full.  (Sorry if that stings a little but there is *always* a choice to remove something.)

I’ve been through a book study of Lysa TerKeurst’s book,  “The Best Yes:  Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands”.  I think all of the women who completed the book study with me took something away from it that will help them know when and how to say no.  Saying no can be hard but here are a few quotes about what happens to us when we continuously tell people yes.  (This advice is good, even if you aren’t Christian, don’t want to read the book or just want the important details NOW!)

  • When a woman lives with the stress of an overwhelmed schedule, she’ll ache with the sadness of an underwhelmed soul.”  Chapter 3
  • You know you’re caught in the rip current of people-pleasing when you dread saying yes, but feel powerless to say no.”  Chapter 11
  • Saying yes all the time won’t make me Wonder Woman. It will make me a worn out woman.”  Chapter 12
  • Relationships can complicate things. But they also have the power to force us into a much simpler rhythm.”  Chapter 15 titled “The Thrill of the Unrushed Yes” 

No is also a complete sentence.

Did you hear that?  No.  That is a complete sentence friend! I’ve heard that, I’ve read that, and I’ve been told that countless times. You don’t have to make excuses or come up with a reason, just politely telling someone no is enough.  When we tell people yes, we allow them to place something else on a likely already full plate. Then we start getting sloppy.  Spilling things… making messes.  It is impossible to do it all.

It is ok to say no.

Firefighters, there is always someone in need.  Always.  This is why stations are manned 24/7.  And your gigantic servant hearts carry over into everyday life.  Most likely this was one of the most attractive qualities that drew your spouse to you.   But if you both spend time, serve, serve, serving and give, give, giving, there is nothing left to work on what’s most important…at the end of a rewarding career but more importantly before then, at the end of a shift.  Your personal wellness, your marriage and your family.

The Brotherhood is amazing.  There is no arguing that.  But you know what’s even more amazing?  Not letting your marriage fall apart.   And anyone who calls themselves a brother is going to totally get that.

Fill up the love tanks at home and get on the same page about service to others.  About how full your spouses plate is, what commitments you take on together as a family, and what you commit to in support of the brotherhood.

It’s not cool to empty yourself giving to others and with nothing left to give your family at home.

PS – the job itself takes a lot out of you so keeping your family a priority in the off hours is an important balance to find.

Find Your Way through the Fire Life with Fire Wife Academy

This self-paced course covers all of the best topics from our book, Honor and Commitment: Standard Life Operating Guidelines for Firefighters & Their Families.

It's designed for women who are new to fire life.  From just engaged to newlyweds, to long-time wives who find themselves thrust into a new life when their spouse becomes a firefighter later in marriage.  This sister, is for you!

This course includes an intro, overview, additional resources and challenges for each of the 17 chapters you'll find inside of Honor and Commitment.  Plus a Bonus Module: More Than A Fire Wife.

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On a mission to be and inspire us all to be better humans, to strengthen fire families & marriages, to nurture and encourage fire wives, do "good business" in all areas of my life and of course, love on my 4 kids.

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