Have you normalized DefCon5 in your house?


Did you know (or forget?) that when someone is regularly around crazy high levels of crisis (which is every single first responder, and their families secondarily), that high level of crazy can be normalized?

You don’t even feel the crazy, until the crazy-crazy-crazy level hits. Because you’ve learned to handle such a heavy load.

Then one day, a pin drops and the dam breaks (and we hope not because that’s way over the edge and what we are here to prevent)

Here’s how this works… you shove aside minor annoyances and inconveniences. Then you set aside a little more irritating or difficult things. You can do hard things after all. You’re a fire family.

But when DefCon5 hits, that’s when you finally feel the pain (because anything less has been numbed out.)

True life story:
Recently I realized my kids have observed this pattern in our household so now when the reaction isn’t Defcon5, they don’t pay attention. Because they’ve numbed it out. It’s not serious enough yet to pay attention to.

However, it’s so super important in life to address the less major things.

“Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. I’ll be more considerate next time you want to……”

(Instead of brushing it off to a bad shift or low sleep)

Guess what happens more often during the holidays (and other high stress seasons of life)? DefCon5. Or…. that pin drops and the dam breaks.

Just remembering this may save someone’s day (or holiday).

May your holidays never hit DefCon5!


Your Fire Life is different.
So your communication needs to be too.

Learn how to communicate well through the Stress and Traumas (Big T and Little t)

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On a mission to be and inspire us all to be better humans, to strengthen fire families & marriages, to nurture and encourage fire wives, do "good business" in all areas of my life and of course, love on my 4 kids.

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  1. Julie

    Are you still doing retreats? I am seeing so many couples struggling right now including my marriage. This website is amazing and so helpful. I plan to share it with new fire wives. Thanks for all you do.

    • FirefighterWife

      We have partnered with First Responder Wellness and will be bringing new resources and programs in 2023!


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