Today I turned 40.  My heart is overflowing and broken and on fire all at the same time.  And I think this is exactly where I need to be.

It’s overflowing because I have 4 healthy, gorgeous children

and a marriage that is forever.

Because my parents are healthy and active, wonderful grandparents to my children.

Because thanks to the advent of technologies like texting and email and facebook HUNDREDS of people wished me happy birthday today.  Including some of the sweetest personal messages I’ve ever received.

My undeserving heart is overflowing.   Yet my heart is still broken.

My heart is broken because of things like this which I learned at a United Way luncheon today.

Because despite the giving, there are more and more children going hungry and more parents struggling to raise their children in the way they would like to.

My heart is broken and aching to do more.

 And my heart is especially broken because no matter how much you love and care for some people, there is nothing you can do to turn their hearts of stone.

 No matter what you say or give or don’t say or don’t give, ugly words of hate come out of their mouth. And my heart breaks for them.  Because they see my happiness (on my birthday nonetheless) and their bitterness explodes.    My heart is broken because I know that God wants us to have life and to have it abundantly.  That goes for everyone.  There’s no room for hate and bitterness in that statement.

I refuse to be held in bondage and fear and brokenness by others emotional states.
Simultaneously my heart is overflowing, broken and on fire.

Because I’ve arrived at 40 and I finally feel semi-equipped to make a difference.  I finally feel like a grown up.  It doesn’t mean I haven’t been trying but like I’ve gotten (enough) over myself, my issues, my limitations and I’m finally ready for go time (slightly embarrassed that its taken this long but wasting no time on that emotion).

Age is a weird thing.  I remember when I used to think that 35 was “old”, like my kids who think I’m ancient now!   And I remember when I felt like everyone  from 28 – 58 morphed into the same “corporate worker” age group in my workplace.
 And I remember that all of my life I’ve felt something magic about the age 42.  All those times I wrote down my hopes and dreams and life goals, the age 42 kept flashing in my brain as the age “I will arrive”.  And to “arrive” at age 42 is a darned early age in my opinion.   The older I get, the more I trust my gut, my instinct.  About people.  About my thoughts and premonitions.   I’m trusting 42.
And this is why my heart is on fire.  Because we have an amazing community of fire wives here that is growing like mad.  Because I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to change the world by connecting these women, by providing a solution where there is a need.  And in the same way with my web development business where I have the privilege of assisting others in fulfilling their life missions of changing their corner of the world.
Yes, forty is fabulous.  And I’m ready to rock this decade and rid our world of even a wee bit of brokenness.  One blog post.  One day.  One friend.  One moment at a time.

Check back in 2014.   I’ll be 42.

 

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Firefighter Wife on a mission to save fire marriages, nurture and encourage other fire wives and love on Jesus, my firefighter and our 4 kids. Blessed to be leading this amazing community of Fire Wives.

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