A special guest post from someone who knows what it’s like to ignore the smoke alarms.

I was suffocating in a room filled with smoke. That’s how the last season of my marriage felt, but it overtook me before I saw it. In hindsight, of course, the signs had been there for some time. Our communication was surface level at best, and our relationship was over. We hadn’t put smoke detectors up in our marriage. We weren’t monitoring our status to make sure we were okay, and suddenly everything went down in flames.

Divorced. It’s a dirty word. Isn’t it?

But life is full of second chances, and as I embark on a new relationship there are markers, smoke detectors, that we are putting up. We are constantly working through our communication, and hurt feelings, or sometimes possible hurt feelings. What alarms do you have set up in your marriage to keep the charm and the passion alive?

Here are a few of our favorite tips from our book, Honor and Commitment.

Commitment

Make a commitment to pour into your marriage. Our theme for Marriage on Fire is, “an intentional focus on the love of my life.” Commit to be intentional as you pursue your spouse and focus on your relationship. As you start this journey, take a minute to find out what your love language is and have your spouse do the same here.

Connection

Remember the beginning? All the giggling and inside jokes? Take some time to reconnect and build on that connection. We have some fun questions from One Extraordinary Marriage to help get you started, just click here.

Confidence

Confidence is one of the sexiest outfits you can put on for spouse. So much of the way we feel about ourselves derives from our health. Take some time to exercise. You will feel better about yourself, and have better sex.

Communicate

Communication is key. How many times have we heard this? And yet, how many times do we expect our spouse to read our mind? Or just know that we are irritated? Communication is key. It’s true, but just knowing this truth can’t make our communication better. We have to continually work on it, and practice it! The times when your spouse is at the station can be hard to feel connected. Have you tried Face Time or Skype?

Community

In this journey we need people around us. We need people who understand our unique challenges and stresses. Journey with your spouse, but journey with a community as well! Find a church, or a group of local fire spouses to share with and encourage!  Surround yourself with others who support and value your marriage and family as much as you do.

Are you hearing smoke alarms in your marriage?  Join us during the entire month of October for Marriage Fire Prevention on our Facebook page, Facebook.com/thefirefighterwife.